The End Came Too Fast
by hugsnotdrugs69
Summary: Lily Evans returns to Hogwarts for the last time, and has way too many flashbacks and confrontations for comfort. She struggles with herself all year with different emotions, but once graduated she leads a normal, happy life... Until the end.
1. Prologue

Lily Evans opened her eyes at six o' clock the morning of September first, and smiled up at the ceiling. She still had a lot to do, so she wasted no time in getting up quickly. The first thing Lily did was walk into the bathroom to take a shower. One look in the mirror and she could cry. Her red hair was matted and stringy, hanging around her face in a lump. There were dark circles under her eyes(probably since she couldn't really sleep well), making her pale face look sickly.

After a nice hot shower, she could finally pull a brush through her tangled waves. Once her hair looked neat enough, she walked sluggishly back to her room. Sadly within the next ten minutes her sister Petunia would be getting up to ridicule her like she always did. And talk about the guys at her "normal" school and her "normal" friends. It always bugged Lily mostly because what Petunia thought was normal, was actually very _boring_.

The tattered looking trunk that Lily had used since she was eleven was lying open on her neatly made bed. Luckily she was seventeen because then she was able to use magic… As long as Petunia didn't see; she'd complain about it forever. The bed looked much nicer than it would have if she did it properly, which was one thing she loved about being a witch.

That was when she had a bit of a flashback. Lily remembered the first day she met another magical person: Severus Snape. Her and Petunia had been at the playground when he appeared, and called her a witch. This didn't go too well at first. Lily thought he was being rude.

"_You little troll! How dare you call me a witch!" Lily shouted at the boy. He had long, greasy black hair and baggy clothes. _

"_No! That's not what I meant!" He suddenly moved closer, causing Petunia to back away. But Lily stood her ground and glared at the strange boy. "I'm one too… Well actually I'm a wizard. You see, we're both able to do magical things."_

_This made Lily's eyes widen and she stared, shocked at the boy. Petunia was trying to get her to leave, but she shrugged her away. "Are you going to Hogwarts too?" she asked him._

_He nodded and smiled. "I can tell you almost everything about it. I'm Severus Snape." With that he stuck out his hand for her to shake._

_This sparked Lily's interest, and her eyes flashed with excitement. "Lily Evans," she answered, shaking his hand. _

After telling Petunia to go home, Lily spent the rest of the day with Severus; and many more. For the rest of summer she would sneak out during the early morning and meet him in a small wooded area, and return home just before dinner. She asked him every question imaginable and learned of many things. The four houses; Muggles, Muggleborns, Half-Bloods and Purebloods; and even the word mudblood. Lily loathed this word, and hated the very thought that people actually used it. How could people be so inconsiderate and rude?

By the end of that summer, she knew quite a bit about the magical world and Hogwarts. She was very thankful the Severus lived nearby. They had become great friends, but the more Lily left for him, the colder Petunia would act towards her sister. And things didn't change throughout the years. Petunia and Lily were both distant, and Lily feared that they would never be like true sisters ever again. They had become more like acquaintances than anything.

But the worst memory that Lily could remember was the day that she was talking to someone in the gardens, and she saw a boy named James Potter picking on Severus.

"_Bugger off you bastards!" Severus was yelling at the Marauders. Lily hated them all. They were rude, arrogant, and most of all: bullies. The worst of them was James Potter, which just so happened to be the one that was taunting Severus now, using a levitation spell on his books. _

"_That wouldn't be very fun, would it, Severus?" James joked, causing one book to fall on the Slytherin boy's head. _

_Lily couldn't watch anymore, and walked over to where they were circled around Severus. She broke the circle and glowered at James. "Leave him alone, Potter! What's he done to you?"_

"_Back off, Lily. I can deal with it on my own!" Severus spat, making her turn around. _

"_I'm just trying to help-" he cut her off. _

"_I'm perfectly fine! I don't need your help, you disgusting mudblood!" he yelled, black eyes glaring into emerald ones. _

_Tears burned her eyes at that moment. She turned to look at James once more -with a single tear falling down her cheek- before running off. From the distance she could hear Severus' voice shouting, "No, Lily… I'm sorry!" But she didn't turn back. _

That was the last time she ever even tried to help Severus. That day in her fifth year had always hurt her and made her throat go dry. He was her only true friend, at least she thought. All he really ever thought of her was that she was a mudblood, and Lily felt stupid for not realizing it before.

"Hey _freak_, you left your towel on the floor. What are you too good for a hamper now?" Petunia's shrill voice carried from out in the hallway. This made Lily groan in aggravation. Couldn't she have just a few more minutes of peace and quiet?

"Sorry," she said dryly. Soon enough her bedroom door was being slammed against the wall and her snobby sister came walking in bitterly. "What, Petunia?" she asked as she placed her Potions ingredients into the trunk.

"Just came to have one last heart to heart with my _beloved_ sister before she leaves in a few hours to her school for weirdoes."

"I'd prefer we not have this talk," Lily replied, turning to her sister with her hands firmly on her hips.

"But why not?" Petunia asked, her nose high in the air.

"Must you ask? It turns out the same way every time; the silent treatment. Petunia, we're not eleven anymore. Won't you grow up a bit? You can't change who I am."

This earned a distasteful scoff from Petunia. "_I_ should grow up? Says the seventeen year old girl who calls herself a witch. I think _you_ need to grow up and stop pretending that every day is Halloween!"

"You bloody well know that I didn't ask to be this way!" Lily shouted, flailing her arms angrily. "At least I'm not the one that sent letters to Dumbledore asking, no _begging_, to be accepted at Hogwarts. You didn't think it was so stupid _then_! The only reason you hate it is because you couldn't be the same. So now you try to be as boring as possible so that I-"

"Shut your fucking mouth you freak!" Petunia spat. "How dare you accuse me of begging that Head _weirdo_ of yours to attend that disgusting school!" She looked pleased with herself, and folded her arms across her chest with a smug smile on her face.

Lily sighed and turned to her bedside table, opening the only drawer. After pulling out several opened letters from Dumbledore stating that Petunia was not permitted to attend, she turned to her sister. "I found all of these in the trash." Lily took the top two off of the pile. They both had her letters attached on the back. Both of them said basically the same thing. "These were from after he came to bring me my letter," she handed them to Petunia who glowered down at the paper. "This one was from after my first year." Lily handed her sister another letter from Dumbledore. This one had been more stern. "And these were all-"

"Enough!" Petunia shrieked, throwing the letters down. Lily was startled but a smirk appeared on her face. "So what if you know? Is it really a crime to want love from my own parents?"

"Mum and dad love you, Petunia! How could you even-"

"They've always been more proud of you than me. Every time we go to get you at the end of the year they get so excited… I have to do everything right or else I get scolded for not being like you!" Petunia's eyes were sparkling with tears as she argued, making Lily feel terrible.

"I didn't-"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You'll always be better to them."

"But-"

"And you never actually had to leave you know. You could have stayed here to be a normal person-"

"For Merlin's sake, Petunia! Listen to me! No, I could have never been a _normal_ person. If I didn't learn how to use my magic then I would eventually lose my mind because I couldn't control the outbursts! Think about it. Would you rather me raise my hand in class and suddenly all of the lights explode? Or red sparks shoot out of my fingers?"

"I get your point! I just wish you weren't so weird!" Petunia said disapprovingly, and turned to leave. She slammed the door behind her and Lily could hear her footsteps go down the stairs quickly and loudly. It's now been an hour since Lily woke up at six, and she was already completely bummed out. Petunia really knew how to ruin someone's mood.

As Lily stood next to her bed, she was wondering if Petunia was just jealous and trying to make her feel bad. It was almost working…

But there were so many other things that Lily had to worry about. Like the N.E.W.T.s. Those weren't going to study for themselves.

_I might as well read a bit, _she thought to herself.

Walking around the bed, she pulled open her curtains to see a large window that covered a lot of her pale blue wall. On the sill, there was a window seat with plush, red cushions. Lily had shrunk them and taken them to school with her to ask Professor McGonagall how to change the color. Once she learned, Lily changed the color immediately to a deep scarlet. It was thrilling to have a bit of her Gryffindor pride showing in her small bedroom.

Grabbing a book that was lying open on the window seat, Lily sat down and began to read in the dim light of dawn. She read about different things from turning food into water, to making a door into a tent. With a yawn, Lily looked out of her window and smiled at the forest in her back yard. She always loved going into that forest, but it was nothing like the one at Hogwarts. Not even close.

Then suddenly Lily saw an owl flying in the distance. She figured it was for Severus since he probably had more magical friends than she, but when it flew straight at her window she got excited.

_Who would be owling me?_ she wondered to herself. The brown owl was getting closer, and Lily stumbled to the desk across from her room and got a few knuts out of her small change purse. By the time she got back to the window, the brown owl was tapping at the window loudly. Lily opened it and let the bird in, taking the letter from it's leg quickly. If only she had faster reflexes. The bird opened its beak and bit her index finger harshly, making blood flow quickly.

"Ow!" she said softly, putting the knuts in the bag on the owl's leg. Lily put her finger in her mouth and sucked the warm blood away, making it burn a bit. There were soft footsteps outside her bedroom door and she assumed that her parents were awake. A soft grunt from a man confirmed that thought. He never liked to talk until he had had some food, and drank his morning tea. Of course he never really liked to be awoken early anyway, but they always get up extra early to spend time together before Lily leaves. Of course Petunia barely speaks, but Lily enjoys the time with her parents.

It was hard to believe that in a few hours she would be leaving one last time for her second home… For the _last time. _The thought rang in her ears, and Lily sighed. She'd be moving out and getting a job in the magical world in about a year… But Lily knew almost nothing about how it was going to be out in the magical world. She knew that things weren't going to well with the ministry, but didn't think anything bad of it.

Then she remembered the letter in her hands. Lily sat down on the window seat and crossed her legs as she opened the parchment. In a very familiar handwriting(because he used to write her notes during class all the time) Lily read:

_Dear Lily, _

_Yes I know this is strange, but I honestly wanted to apologize for the past years. I woke up this morning and wished that there was some way to tell you. I just couldn't wait until later at he Platform. I hope that you will forgive me and trust that I(and the other Marauders) have matured greatly. Maybe someday we can all be friends… Maybe. _

_Sincerely, _

_The best looking Marauder,_

_James Potter_

_P.S. I truly hope that you will be our friend. Oh, and it would be best to not mention this letter around the guys… Thanks._

As much as she hated to believe it, Lily actually couldn't wait to see the Marauders. But she didn't tell herself that of course. She hid it in the back of her conscience to deal with some other time. Lily didn't need to like them just because of this letter… No. So when she sees them, she'll have to act normal. That was the best thing to do really. But she couldn't just sit there with the letter in her hands.

Feeling the need to send something back, Lily walked to her desk and pulled out parchment and her quill. She started writing with a smile on her face, and didn't even notice her mum walk in and look over her shoulder.

_James, _

_I can see that you're still as arrogant as ever. But your offer seems sincere. I'll consider it, but it all depends on how you all act. Just because you apologize doesn't mean everything is perfectly normal. You've been a bully for as long as I can remember, even if what you did was never directed at me. I know that you're Head Boy and I'm Head Girl, so we're going to half to at least get along no matter what. I'll try being nice to all of you, but if you do something stupid then I'll have to leave you alone. _

_Please owl back. I have nothing else to do. _

_Sincerely,_

_You're so full of yourself,_

_Lily_

"Who's James?" Lily's mother said suddenly, making her jump and turn around quickly.

"Erm, just a guy I go to school with." Her cheeks turned bright pink, and she could sense that her mother didn't believe her. "Really, mum."

"Whatever you say," she said simply. "But your father used to be an arrogant bully when we were young… Just don't be sitting up here all morning with these owl things."

"Alright," Lily nodded. "I'll be down for breakfast."

"It'll be in about ten minutes."

"Okay, mum." Lily ushered her mum out the door and closed her eyes. How could she not have heard her coming in the door?

After sending the letter off with her own owl, Lily wandered to her trunk once more, placing the book for Transfiguration that she had been reading on top of everything. It took only a few more minutes before the brown owl returned with James' reply.

_I'm not that full of myself, Lily. Honestly I've changed. And you know it's true. None of the other Marauders even come close to my good looks. Admit it! _

_I'm only joking. _

_You probably have plenty to do. You just want to talk to me, right? _

Lily smiled and started scribbling down on her own parchment:

_Whatever James. But I'm not saying anything about your looks because no matter what it is you'll hold it against me. Even if it's bad… You'll use it to get girls to hate me. _

_I doubt it. _

_I have nothing to do but sit with my annoying sister and awkward parents. Yeah, loads of fun. _

The next reply was Lily's favorite:

_I know I'm an arse, but I can't help it. I guess I just try to show off for you… Can you blame me though? Just…_

Lily couldn't read the next part because it was all scratched out. She stared intensely at the last sentence:

_Well that's a shame… I really wanted to talk to you._

She couldn't believe that James was being so nice. What would possess him?

After they talked for a little while longer, Lily went downstairs and sat at the breakfast table. She had said goodbye to James but couldn't keep herself from smiling. Petunia kept jabbering the whole morning, and Lily wished she could just apparate to King's Cross.

Thankfully the next time she looked at the clock it said 9:30. She had to be at the station soon. Lily ran up to her room and grabbed everything she needed before rushing back down to say goodbye. After saying goodbye to her mother, Lily ran to her father's car. Of course Petunia came out so see her off, although it was nothing more than a "Freak."

The ride to King's Cross seemed to take forever, and it started to rain softly. But even that couldn't ruin Lily's mood that morning.

Once they got there, Lily rushed to where platform nine and ten are, then hugged her dad goodbye. "I love you, dad."

"I love you too," he said cheerfully.

**A/N: Please please please leave reviews! I'd like to know what you think of it so far. I have other chapters but I don't want to add them until I know if everyone likes this one. Thanks to anyone that leaves a review!**


	2. Chapter 1

Lily sighed as she walked through to platform 9¾, a huge smile was plastered to her face. The scarlet steam engine that is the Hogwarts Express was only a short distance away from her now. The smiling face of her father was long forgotten, and only the thoughts of her magical life filled her mind. What new things would she learn this year? Would the N.E.W.T.s be terribly hard? And then there were the very frightening thoughts about her future, like what job she would get. She had always thought that being an Auror seemed like a good idea, but Lily wasn't sure if she was cut out for something like that. Maybe she could become a waitress at some pub and just get married to a very rich man…

No, Lily would never do that. She was born to make a difference, and that's exactly what she would do.

Noticing that a few people were giving her dirty looks, Lily started walking towards the train. She was still thinking intensely about her future when none other than the famous James Potter stepped in front of her. He was grinning happily down at her, but she only glowered in return. The remembrance of how happy his letters had made her earlier appeared in her mind.

"Hi there, Lily," he said kindly. It wasn't like him to be nice, but she decided not to let it get to her, and kept on the false, angry facade. "Hello, James," she hissed.

Feeling uncomfortable at how close he had gotten, she started backing up. James only saw this as an opportunity to follow her. Soon he had her pinned against a wall. His hands were on either side of her head, trapping her there hopelessly. The other Marauders were snickering from behind him, excluding Peter. Where could he be?

There was really no point in wondering. It's not like she'd end up being their best friend, right?

"You should learn to be nicer," he joked.

The heavy trunk in Lily's hand felt more and more heavy by the second. "Just move," she warned. When he raised an eyebrow skeptically, Lily sighed. "_Please_?"

"Maybe in a second, Lil," he said jokingly, a huge, goofy grin on his face.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped. Perhaps she was being a bit harsh, but he was also being a prat.

After pulling his hands away, James shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "Will you at least sit with us?" he asked coolly. The hope in his eyes made a shiver go down Lily's spine. As much as she hated to admit it, he was definitely very attractive. He looked at her like a small puppy, and she couldn't help but smile in defeat. It was almost as if James had just taken a pin and popped her bubble of security... But Lily didn't mind.

With a nod, Lily looked towards the train, then towards the boys. They all turned to look at each other before scattering and climbing aboard the train. Something about the looks on their faces told her that she had confused them greatly by accepting the offer. It's not like she could tell them about how he had owled her that morning- since he didn't want her to.

Lily followed behind, and just as she got onto the train she saw a boy sitting in an almost empty compartment with only one other person; Severus. She sighed and continued after Remus. Her chest clenched painfully as Severus looked up at her with pleading eyes. Lily just kept walking, and finally made it to the compartment with the marauders. "Where's Peter?" she asked suddenly. Hopefully talking about something would keep her mind off of the greasy haired Slytherin.

Sirius shrugged and took a piece of chocolate from Remus. Once he swallowed, he turned to Lily and said: "Probably off being a coward with his new friends... Bloody assholes."

Lily had taken a seat next to James by the window. She raised an eyebrow at Sirius' response. James and Remus both seemed to tense up, so she tried to stay calm. "What, did he leave you for a less arrogant crowd?" she asked jokingly.

The only one who even cracked a smile was James. "You could say that." Despite his cheerful expression, his voice was harsh and cold. Lily couldn't believe that they were actually angry with a fellow Marauder. Then again, Lily also couldn't believe that she was sitting with them; that was a miracle in itself.

"Let's just drop it," Remus said suddenly. Lily nodded and looked out of the window as the train started moving. They started pulling out of the station, and she felt a million butterflies flutter wildly in her stomach at the thought of returning to her second home. The boys all got into a heated conversation about some of the professors but Lily didn't dare get involved. Instead she just stayed quiet and thought about everything she could, but found herself arguing with her brain. One second it would tell her to forgive Severus and be his friend; pity him. But the next moment it would be telling her that she is much better off without him. The memory of the last time she talked to him was heart-wrenchingly realistic in her mind.

"_I'm perfectly fine! I don't need your help you disgusting mudblood!" _

Just the remembrance of the day made her shudder. _How could he have said that? I was only trying to help! Why would he be so rude?_ she thought bitterly. Just by thinking about it, a few tears glistened in Lily's eyes as she glared at the window. Of course it wasn't just because she was sad about it, but it made her angry. _He_ made her angry; yes, angry. _Very_ angry. Whenever Lily gets angry, she cries. It's not because she wants to, it just sort of… Happens.

Suddenly a gentle hand was touching her shoulder. "Lily? Are you okay?" It was James. She nodded and turned to smile at him. It wasn't real, but it would do. Lily felt like she was in a daze; a few tears still threatened to fall from her eyes. Remus and Sirius were both still talking, their voices louder than normal. "You look really pale," he told her after a moment. She wondered if he could see the tears sparkling in her eyes… Hopefully not.

Lily just shrugged and looked away. She was feeling a bit nauseous, but probably only because she was nervous about school. "I guess I'm just nervous," she told him, looking back up. There really wasn't anything bothering her except that her memories were catching up to her.

Past his glasses, James' hazel eyes looked back at her with curiosity and care. That wasn't something that a person usually saw in James Potter's eyes.

"There's no reason to be nervous." he said cheerfully, throwing his arm around her shoulders. It startled Lily quite a bit, but she didn't move away.

"Really?" she added skeptically. "What about the N.E.W.T.s?"

James' expression suddenly changed to one of surprise. "Well those aren't for a while. Besides, you're extremely smart anyway. You'll do fine." He took his arm away, sensing that she felt uncomfortable. But in reality she didn't mind it at all. Although, she couldn't stop her cheeks from turning bright red. Not wanting him to see, she looked down at her lap.

"No," she mumbled, "There's still so much to learn." She looked up at him and sighed. He had a goofy smile on his face and as usual, untidy black hair. The only thing that seemed to be different was how he acted towards her.

"And I'm sure you'll know everything within the next few weeks. Make sure you come tutor the less intelligent crowd will you?" He motioned to Remus and Sirius.

"And what do _you_ know that they don't?" Lily raised an eyebrow and looked at him questioningly.

"I never said the crowd didn't include me!" he joked.

Lily laughed softly and nodded. "Ah, that makes sense… I'll think about it." She rolled her eyes at him and turned to look out of the window again. For the next few minutes she kept wondering what possessed her to sit with them in the first place. Although, something about them all seemed to be different. Could it possibly be maturity? Lily almost laughed aloud at the thought. Certainly not maturity… But it _could_ be possible. They _are_ seventeen after all. Practically adults in the wizarding world.

"Can I call you Lil now?" James asked suddenly, making Lily jump literally inches off of the seat. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

With a smile she just dismissed it and looked to the boy sitting next to her. "No." Even if he was being nice, that doesn't mean he gets to call her by a nickname all of a sudden. Not even her parents called her anything special.

Lily looked out into the aisle to see a few people walking by. The peculiar thing is that one of them stopped suddenly and stared straight ahead towards the front of the train. Lily instantly recognized it as Severus. Why was he standing there? She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, looking at him strangely. James was saying something, but he sounded far away. Severus looked into the compartment suddenly and smiled subtly as he locked eyes with Lily. After a moment he kept walking and left her completely confused. Why had he just stopped? How did he know where she was sitting?

After a few more moments of staring with a confused expression, Lily noticed James trying to get her attention. She snapped out of it instantly and shook her head. "W-What? I'm sorry."

"Er, it's fine. What were you staring at?" James asked. His tone told her that he was a bit worried.

Lily looked at him and shrugged. "I don't really know," was all she had to say. With a sigh, she turned again and just stared down at her lap. Hopefully this ride would come to an end soon. Suddenly she remembered something. Lily gasped. "James! We forgot about the meeting!" she exclaimed, standing up quickly and stumbling out of the compartment. She heard James close the door behind her, but didn't turn to see if he had actually exited.

Finally reaching the front, Lily noticed that she hadn't even changed into her school robes. _Shoot! _she thought angrily. Hopefully they wouldn't care. She slid the compartment door open hastily and out of breath. "I'm so sorry," she huffed. They nodded and she sat. James came into the compartment right after her, and took the empty seat right across from Lily.

"Did we miss anything important?" he asked.

Once James asked his question, Lily just sat back and pretended to listen. She actually heard nothing, but when someone looked to her she would nod. Hopefully they didn't ask her or tell her something completely ludicrous.

Once the meeting was over, the train ride was almost over. They had missed the trolley lady, sadly. Lily felt her stomach growl as she walked through the aisle. James must have heard, because he chuckled. "Someone's hungry," he whispered. Shockingly, his voice was right at her ear. His warm breath gave her goose bumps as it touched her skin.

Just as they reached the compartment, Lily saw Severus smiling and talking to someone right outside the door. He didn't look particularly happy though. She had seen him much happier before. After convincing James to go in first, Lily tried to hurry in before he saw her. There was no such luck. She turned and saw him smile, followed by a wave. His eyes looked sad, but Lily ignored him and walked into the compartment. She had promised herself not to pity him.

Feeling a bit agitated, Lily grabbed her trunk off of the floor and took out her uniform. "You all best get ready as well," she said quickly as she left to enter an empty compartment. It took a little while, but she found one and entered, closing the door and the blinds behind her. Once she had her uniform on, Lily made her way hastily back to the compartment. Sadly, Severus was standing by it with his back leaning against the door. "Will you please move, Severus," she said quietly, hoping that her voice didn't give any emotion away.

"Hello, Lily," he said simply.

"Severus," she warned angrily. All he really did in return was look into her eyes before walking away; Lily didn't see the longing that the black eyes held as he looked at her.

As she entered the compartment, Lily's cheeks turned bright red. James had been just about to put his white button down shirt on when she walked in. He turned around quickly with cheeks as red as hers. "I-I can leave."

Just as Lily turned to leave, James grabbed her wrist. "It's fine," he said simply. Lily stood motionless for a few moments before turning to look at James. Sirius and Remus were snickering loudly, but she didn't care. The pink on her cheeks dimmed a bit as he let go of her wrist and pulled the shirt over his shoulders. Lily sat down where she did before and tried not to watch as he buttoned up the shirt. Once that was done he fiddled with the red and gold tie in his hands. Lily smiled and let out a little giggle as he had trouble tying it properly. "You're pathetic," she joked.

"Excuse me?" he mused turning towards her, a goofy grin on his face and his glasses lopsided. "Well if you're so great then why don't you do it?"

Lily snorted. "How did you ever tie it before?" she asked, standing up in front of him.

James shrugged and folded his arms as Lily grabbed the tie. "I think you're bluffing."

"Well how do you think I tied my own then?" she asked, motioning to her own neatly tied tie. As she tied his tie easily, she could feel James' eyes watching her. Once finished, Lily looked at her work and admired it before plopping back down into her seat. She didn't dare make eye contact with any of them. Both Sirius and Remus would laugh at her for being so naïve. He was using his famous charm on her and she had fallen for it.

"Can you tie mine?" Sirius asked jokingly, undoing his completely and hanging it loosely around his neck. It was obvious that he was making fun of both Lily and James, but Lily only shook her head. A small grin appeared on her face.

"No," she said simply.

Once she had time to think about it, she realized that James was probably the only one of them she would have done something like that for. _But why?_ she asked herself. He had always been the most arrogant and rude one out of all of them. But something about him had changed… James was definitely being nicer. And again she asked herself the same question: Why?

James got up and walked over to Sirius. "I'll do it for you," he said coaxingly. It was almost as if he was trying to sound like a woman. Lily watched as James practically squished Sirius with his weight by trying to sit on his lap. Once that was figured out, James started fiddling with the tie. "Blimey, Lily. How do you do this?"

Sirius, Lily, and Remus all laughed simultaneously. "James, get the hell off of me!" Sirius spluttered through his fit of laughter. As he pushed James away, Remus rolled his eyes then looked at Lily with a smile.

"You are such an arse," Lily added jokingly once James had sat back down in his own seat next to her.

"I think it's working," James whispered to the other two boys. Lily started giggling, then looked out of the window. After a few more minutes, she could feel James' arm behind her shoulders. He was definitely up to something, but Lily couldn't figure out what it was that he was trying to pull.

Soon the train started slowing down, and Lily made sure she had her wand. Without noticing it, she had started tapping her feet loudly and twirling her red hair in her fingers. "Eager to get off, are you?" Remus asked suddenly. How could he tell?

"No, she's just excited that soon there'll be dark corridors to snog James in," Sirius replied. James kicked him hard in the shin and Lily felt her cheeks turn warm.

"Definitely not." Her tone was a bit annoyed and louder than usual. Hopefully they would get the point and just leave her alone.

Finally the train seemed to be stopping. Still feeling the awkward vibe in the compartment, Lily took no time in rushing into the aisle. She waved at them all and smiled at James before hurrying off of the now stopped train. Luckily Severus wasn't in her way this time, but once she got off, remorse coursed through her body. It was rude of her to just leave them all like that.

Now that she was free of them all, she tried not to feel remorseful. This was going to be a purely study filled year, and nothing more; she didn't need their nonsense. Lily nodded at a few waving students, and got onto the nearest empty carriage. To her despair she was soon accompanied by the most annoying Slytherin of all(besides Severus): Regulus Black. Luckily he sat as far away from her as possible. After him, Lily stopped paying attention to whoever else might have gotten on. She looked around at the dark and smiled. At Hogwarts, every star was visible. Hogwarts in general was beautiful at night. The many windows lit up brightly and the outline of the castle against the dark sky. The only time stars weren't visible is when the clouds covered them all. Luckily it was a clear night; it gave Lily something to look at.

The next thing that happened, Lily was not expecting. Someone tapped on her shoulder and she expected it to be Regulus for some ungodly reason, but when she turned, it was Severus. He was looking at her with wide, worried eyes. "Lily," he whispered.

"Why are you following me?" she shrieked as the carriage started to move. "Don't you have any friends of your own?" Of course he did, but she wasn't thinking about how badly he wanted to become her friend again.

"Yes," he said softly, trying not to show his disappointment.

"Then why didn't you sit with them?" Lily was inwardly fuming and tried her hardest not to just slap him right then and there. She could feel other eyes on them and assumed that it was Regulus who was staring. Her blood was slowly starting to boil as she sat there waiting for his response.

"B-Because I-"

"Spit it out!" Lily yelled, feeling the anger rise as she waited. It took a few more moments for him to finally speak, and when he did, she was caught off guard.

"I wanted to apologize, Lily." He sounded sincere, but Lily had promised herself that she would never give him friendship _or _pity ever again.

Lily snorted. "Don't bother," she muttered angrily. "I know what you think of me. You don't have to pretend to like me, Severus!"

"I'm not pretending!" he yelled back. This was something she hadn't heard him do in a while, and it shocked her. With wide eyes, Lily hoped that the carriage ride wouldn't last too much longer. "Will you please just forgive me? I'm sorry!"

"Save it! Once this carriage stops, if you follow me anywhere I'll be sure to tell a professor. Stay away if you know what's good for you!" Lily spat at him. Her hands were shaking with anger. How dare he come to her after two years and apologize like he hadn't just ignored her completely?

"You can't hate me all because of a little mistake, Lily!" he pleaded with her, turning more towards her so that he was facing her perfectly.

"Little mistake? _Little mistake_?" she hissed. "You called me a _mudblood_!" Lily was now on the verge of tears. She had done such a good job of keeping all of her emotions on this subject inside, but now they were all coming out.

Luckily, the carriages seemed to be slowing down and Lily couldn't wait to get off. Severus didn't need to see her crying.

"But, Lily," he whispered hopelessly. The bumpy carriage stopped suddenly and Lily stood up, stalking off and away from the carriage completely without another word.

Little did she know, Snape had watched her leave with loving, sad eyes.

As she walked to the castle, Lily wiped away the few tears that had fallen. She would not cry over something so juvenile and wrong. It wasn't right of Severus to call her that, but she had to be the mature person… The bigger person.

But is that what she was being by not accepting his apology?

She left the poor guy sitting there, practically begging for her friendship. What kind of person does that?

Lily felt more tears slide down her cheeks as she practically ran into the Great Hall. She sat down in an empty seat and wiped at her face violently.

People couldn't see her crying. A lot of people looked up to her as a strong, trustworthy person. It would just be ridiculous for her to let people see her in such a vulnerable state. Luckily, the Sorting Ceremony started and Lily could sit and sulk as she thought about her mistakes. Once the ceremony was done, Dumbledore spoke a few humorous words, and the food appeared on all of the plates. Lily suddenly didn't feel very hungry, and her eyes were red and sore.

"What's wrong, Lily?" a familiar voice asked. It was one of her friends Monica Piper. "You look upset," she added as she sat down across from her.

"I'm fine, Monica. Really, I am." Lily smiled weakly, and forced herself to look happy. If only for the sake of keeping the questions at bay. Monica is a person that really likes to keep digging deeper and deeper whenever someone is upset.

A loud cheer of guys erupted from further down the table, and Lily looked to see Peter Pettigrew's face covered in pie. It was hard not to laugh, even though it was so rude of someone to do that. It was most likely Sirius. Although they all seemed to be a bit angry with him on the train. Lily's gaze moved, and stopped on James' face. He looked at her and smiled.

Lily hadn't noticed that Monica was calling her.

"LILY!" Monica shouted. Lily came back to reality and felt her cheeks turn bright red as she looked away and down at her plate.

"Sorry," she mumbled. It was embarrassing enough having stared at James dreamily, but in front of Monica was another problem in itself.

"Merlin! Are you shitting me? YoulikeJamesPotter!" Monica shrieked. She spoke so fast that Lily really didn't understand the last part.

"What?" she asked quizzically.

Monica rolled her eyes and sighed. "You like James! James _Potter!_" she shrieked. Lily almost slapped her. Why would she scream that? What if someone had been listening?

"No I don't! He's insufferable!" Lily said loudly, hoping that whoever might have heard would leave it at that. She leaned in and whispered harshly, "Are you out of your mind? Don't scream things like that!"

Monica smirked evilly. "You know you like him, Lily. I saw the way you looked at him!" It seemed obvious that she wasn't going to give up easily. Lily absolutely hated when people accused her of things that just couldn't possibly be true.

Feeling even less hungry than before, Lily stood up and shook her head. "I'm just going to leave. Maybe I'll get there before the crowds." She left with that, and rushed to the Gryffindor towers. Once inside, she went straight to the dorms and found the bed with her trunk by it, pulling out her night clothes and changing. After she was ready to sleep, Lily fell down onto her bed and sighed. It wasn't like her to leave her Head Girl duties like that, but Monica would be interrogating her forever if she had stayed.

As soon as her eyes drooped shut, all of the thoughts that had been haunting her that day became present. She thought of how James looked without a shirt, how he looked when he smiled. The happiness in his eyes when she looked at him. His messy black hair; it just looked so soft and touchable. Instantly she laughed aloud at herself.

But then the bad memories filled her mind. She kept picturing the pleading look in Severus' eyes as she glared at him. How soft and apologetic his voice sounded. At least until she had gotten him angry. The sadness and remorse that burned in his eyes was the last picture she had of him in her mind. Why couldn't she just accept his apology? It's not like he had killed her mother. She felt like a terrible person.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter two:

_The rain was falling incredibly hard, making everything blurry and hard to see. Lily ran around the gardens, looking. Looking for… something. But what? She was panting, her lungs burning fiercely and tears burning her eyes. Something warm was dripping down her face, but it was a bit watery because of the rain. She touched her forehead and winced. There was a huge gash dripping with blood. The whole situation was so confusing. What was she supposed to find? It was as if she suddenly became conscious. Like she was sleeping through everything until now, confused and not sure what to do._

_Suddenly there was a dark figure in the distance. And a laugh… A cruel, cold laugh sounded from the distance. "H-Hello?" Lily asked loudly, her voice a little shaky. Suddenly there was a flash of green light coming quickly towards her. Lily panicked and ran out of the way. She had been so close to death… There were more people around though, to her despair. A red light shot towards her and she tripped, not able to run out of the way. _

_Screaming in pain, she could do nothing but cringe and lie helplessly on the muddy, grass covered ground. The laugh came back, and it sounded like it was right in her ear. Lily turned her head to the sound, but saw nothing. Whoever was holding the curse, let it go. _

"_Did you get it?" a woman asked. Her voice was shrill and blood curdling. _

"_G-Get what?" Lily asked, trying to catch her breath. She was still trying to recover from the Cruciatus curse. But before she even had the chance, another red light shot out of someone's wand in the distance. Lily screamed for mercy, her screams vibrating off of the concrete walls of the castle around her…_

Lily woke up still screaming with salty sweat covering her body, making her night clothes stick to her uncomfortably. She tore the blanket from her, and climbed out of her bed. As soon as she stood, her knees buckled. The next thing Lily remembered was lying on her floor, feeling tired. She gave in to the tired feeling and just slept there next to her bed. Luckily that dream didn't come back, but she didn't sleep for long.

After about fifteen minutes Lily woke up once more, breathing roughly and gasping for air. She ran quickly to the lavatory and took a cold shower. She would miss most of breakfast, but it didn't matter. The cold water cleared away all of the warm sweat and relaxed Lily immediately. Once she got dressed in her uniform, she grabbed her quill and bag and ran quickly down towards the Great Hall.

To her despair, Severus was standing outside of the Great Hall. Lily glowered at the greasy haired boy and tilted her head a tad, thinking. He looked as though he was waiting for someone. But who would he have to wait out here for?

As realization hit, Lily looked down and tried to rush past, but it didn't work. Severus saw her and called her over. "What?" she asked bitterly.

"Won't you just talk to me?" he asked, sounding oblivious to Lily's anger.

"Why should I?" she shrieked, flailing her arms angrily. The look on his face told her that he wasn't going to let it go. "Alright, c'mon." She turned abruptly and walked towards the gardens. Once outside, Lily turned to him with crossed arms.

"I'm sorry," he said earnestly.

Hearing the words made Lily want to slap him. If she had a galleon for every time she's heard him say that, she'd be bloody rich! "I'm not going to forgive you, Severus! You think just saying _sorry_ will make me forgive you?"

Severus looked down to his feet, then back at Lily. "I don't know what else to do."

Lily snorted, and looked right at him, fire burning in her eyes. "Don't try to make me feel guilty!"

"That's not what I'm trying to do!" he yelled. This made Lily even more angry than before.

"Then what the hell _are_ you trying to do?" she hissed.

"Apologize!" Severus snapped. "I've told you that so many times, Lily! But you just don't listen!" He stopped when he heard her laugh sarcastically. "You've changed," he muttered.

"_I've_ changed? I don't know if you've noticed, but you used to be a great guy! Look at what those rotten friends of yours have done!"

"What do they have to do with anything?" he asked angrily. His voice was raised, but not as much as before. "If we're going to start talking about friends then I think yours fit into the rotten category just as well!"

Lily's eyes filled with tears, but she didn't fight back. Instead she just looked down and sighed. "Look, just say what you have to say so that we can leave."

It took him a few more minutes, but what Severus said surprised Lily immensely. "The trees here remind me of the forest I used to take you to." He was smiling and looking out towards the forbidden forest. Lily raised an eyebrow, but felt just as angry. "I remember that you'd constantly ask questions. The smile you got whenever I would answer made every second worth while."

The memories almost made Lily smile, but then they were tainted with the fresh, angry ones. It took him a few more minutes, but then he said, "And I remember your first trip to Diagon Alley. Half of the time you had your nose pressed up against store windows," he paused to chuckle lightly. "And the time you asked a woman why she was dressed up for Halloween. That took a lot of explaining to get out of." Lily nodded, but she continued to stay quiet. No matter how much she missed those days, it didn't matter. Deep down, all he considered her was a mudblood… And she knew it.

"We're meant to be friends, Lily," he said finally.

Lily looked up at him with shock in her eyes, then shook her head. "No, Severus. We're not. I'm just a _filthy mudblood_ remember? I know that's all you think of me. Don't act like it's not true!"

Severus looked like he wanted to either cry, or yell at her. "You bloody well know that it's not true, Lily! It was a mistake! But if you won't even _try_ to accept my apology, then I'm going to stop pretending that it doesn't hurt every fucking time I see you with those losers! I thought you were above them! They've probably turned you against me! I know that's the only reason you won't listen."

Lily's face turned red mostly out of anger, and her hands clenched into fists. "And I thought you were above the word mudblood! I'll have you know that they have matured, unlike _you_, Severus! They've never tried to keep me away from you!" she spat angrily.

"I don't care what you think of me, let alone those arrogant assholes! Because I was right! All you are is a disgusting _mudblood_! Your opinion doesn't matter to me!"

With that, Lily walked towards him and pulled her arm back before letting her clenched fist fly forward and collide with his jaw. Everything seemed blurry, but he stumbled backwards so Lily made an escape.

Tears were burning her eyes as she ran to the Great Hall. Luckily, James was still there. She rushed to his side and sat down, wiping warm tears from her face. There was a tingling in her hand, but she didn't care. He did it _again._ That's all he thinks of her. This time he even admitted it.

James noticed the distressed state that Lily was in, and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She leaned against his warm chest and let a few more tears fall from her eyes silently. The few people that were still there stared at the scene in front of them. Lily Evans was crying in James Potter's arms; not something that one would expect.

After a few more minutes, Lily finally gained enough sense to pull away from him. "I-I'm sorry," she muttered, and wiped her face.

"There's no need to apologize," James said softly.

Lily was extremely happy that he didn't ask what had happened, because if he did she might just slap him out of reflex. "Why didn't you leave with the others?"

"I wanted to wait," he said simply with a small shrug.

"For what?" She was beginning to get curious. Why wouldn't James just leave with his friends?

"You."

This made Lily smile, although she probably looked terrible, he didn't seem to mind. "Thank you," was all she managed to say.

"But if we don't get going soon, both of us are going to be late," he added with a bright smile.

"James Potter worried about being late? It's a miracle!" Lily giggled a bit, then stood up with James at her side. They walked silently out of the Great Hall, and Lily sighed. "I have Potions first, what about you?"

"Divination… I honestly don't know why I'm taking it," he said playfully. Lily smiled in response, and realized that they had to separate now.

"I'll see you then." She nodded in thanks and goodbye, then headed for the Potions classroom. Luckily Slughorn liked her, or else he probably wouldn't be so forgiving of her being late.

The morning went by slowly for Lily, and she kept thinking about what Severus had said. It was bothering her even more than it had the first time, but she refused to show it. He was in a few of her classes, including Potions, but it didn't look like he took notice of anyone else even being in the classroom. His head as always hung low, and he kept scribbling in his Potions book. Lily's hand was now very sore, but she managed to hide her discomfort. Her knuckles were raw and scratched up, with a bit of dried blood. The question was: Is it Lily's or Severus' blood?

By the time lunch came around, Lily's stomach was growling loudly. She pulled her bag up onto her shoulder and made her way towards the Great Hall. On her way there, her mind was wandering from James' smile, to the fact that he didn't want to be late to class. Everything about him so far was confusing her greatly, but not in a bad way. She liked that way James had been acting, and hoped that he would continue to act that way.

When she got to the Great Hall, Sirius waved at her from the Gryffindor table, making James turn to see her. Lily smiled and waved at Sirius, but her gaze was on James.

As she sat down, the smell of food made her stomach growl more violently, making James and Remus laugh. "Someone's hungry," Remus said happily. Sirius was much too involved in his own food to even take notice of what was going on.

"Very," Lily mumbled as she started to put food on her plate.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this hungry," James said cheerfully.

Lily shrugged. "Usually I eat breakfast every morning," was all she said.

Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow, but didn't say anything else. Everyone started talking, but Lily didn't pay much attention to what the conversation was about until she finished.

"You were the biggest asshole out of all of us, James!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. Remus was nodding, and James chuckled softly.

"I know, I know! Leave it alone, won't you?" He sounded amused but irritated at the same time. Lily couldn't help but laugh along with the others.

Sirius shook his head. "No, this is too good. James Potter is actually admitting what a complete-"

"Shut up!" James shouted. He was laughing along with the others, but it was obvious that he wanted them to stop; to Lily anyway.

Lily rolled her eyes and finally stopped laughing. "I don't know about you guys but I like the way he's been acting lately," she admitted earnestly.

Remus and Sirius stopped laughing and looked at her. "So _that's_ why you've been sitting with us," Sirius accused.

Lily felt her cheeks become warm, and she didn't know what to say. Was that true? She looked at James and he was grinning. There seemed to be a certain gleam in his eye behind the arrogance that Lily couldn't place. "N-No. I'm just… you asked me to be your friend, so I am."

Remus rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Yeah, alright."

Sirius seemed to find this rather amusing, because he burst out laughing. However, James and Lily didn't see what was so funny. "I see that you've grown up," Lily said sarcastically, hoping that he would stop being an arse.

It worked. Sirius stopped laughing and glowered at her. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Lily shrugged and grinned mischievously. "You're the same as always. Obnoxious, arrogant, loud-"

"Okay, I get it." This got a little laugh from James, Remus _and _Lily. "But it's not like you were always perfect either."

Remus and James both chorused a long: "Ooh!" Lily just kept her cool and raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Well you've always been snooty miss goodie-two-shoes. The one that thought they were smarter and better than everyone-"

"Excuse me?" Lily asked suddenly, cutting him off. Her voice was supposed to be angry, but some of her humor seeped through.

For a while, they kept talking about each others flaws, and Lily seemed to think that the conversations brought them closer as friends. James was still the nicest(and best looking) out of all of them. To her at least.

Lily left the Great Hall with a smile on her face, and she no longer thought of the activities from that morning. She had forgotten all about her nightmare, and the argument with Severus. The rest of her day went by quickly, probably because she was happy to actually have some friends that she could be herself around. The Marauders were once her worst enemies, but they've proven to be actually very fun people(all except Peter, whom Lily hadn't seen since he had the pie on his face). It was probably only because they've grown up over the summer. She didn't have any classes with them, which was a disappointment, but she had some with Monica and other friends of hers. Severus also appeared to be in several.

Dinner was going well. They were chatting about Hogsmeade and when they had their first sips of alcoholic butterbeer. Remus told them that he first tried it in his third year. It was a shocker to Lily, but when he explained that he knew older students that snuck him a sip, she relaxed a bit. Of course all of the boys knew each others' answers, but Lily was completely new to the responses. Sirius first tried it when he was in fifth year; that was also a big surprise. All of them looked like they would have been little rebels. Drinking alcohol, wandering around school grounds at night(of course she didn't doubt that they did this) by at least fourth year. They definitely seemed it.

When the questioning turned to James, Lily listened carefully as he spoke. "Actually, the first time I tried it wasn't during school," he paused to hear the boys boo and retort, but then continued. "It was a time I went into Hogs Head with my father the summer after second year. I was sitting up at the bar with him- there weren't many people -and he was getting pretty hammered," Lily didn't know whether to believe this or not, but she listened anyway. "So I asked if I could try some." He shrugged and took a sip of his water.

"That's bull!" Sirius complained with an annoyed tone. This made Lily and Remus smile, but James only rolled his eyes.

"You know I'm telling the truth," he told Sirius after a few moments.

"No you're-"

Lily cut Sirius off by holding up her hand. "Why don't we just forget it and go to the Common Room?"

Remus smiled, showing how thankful he was. Sirius huffed and stood, walking out of the Great Hall before the rest of them. James chuckled and shook his head. "Let's go," he said quietly.

While they walked to the Gryffindor tower, Lily started hearing the all too familiar voice of Severus Snape. It sounded like he was arguing with someone, but she couldn't hear another voice. It was probably just one of his stupid Slytherin friends.

As they got closer, Lily could hear another male voice whispering. He sounded just as angry. If only she could understand what he was saying.

"Just get out of my face!" Severus yelled suddenly, and there was a loud thump. It sounded as if someone was shoved into a wall. The sound made Lily cringe, but she ignored it and kept walking. Sirius was still visible ahead of them, but he was still walking quickly. James and Remus were oblivious to the argument taking place around the corner, and were talking about Quidditch.

Finally, they passed the fighting students, and the yelling stopped. Lily looked over her shoulder to see Severus watching her leave. He looked beyond furious, but something else showed behind the anger.

Remorse.

Not wanting to look at him anymore, Lily turned back around and kept walking. She couldn't let him get to her. The throbbing in her hand reminded her of that fact. Finally after about five more minutes of climbing stairs and avoiding Peeves, they made it to the fat lady portrait. Once they all said the password 'jelly beans' in stereo, they climbed through the round entrance. The first person Lily noticed was Sirius. He was sitting on the couch closest to the fire.

"You didn't have to leave us," James joked, falling onto the same couch. Remus and Lily both sat in another that was nearby.

Sirius scoffed, but smiled and put an arm around James, squeezing him tightly for a few moments. "I just had to make you all think that I was actually mad."

"Well it didn't work," Lily said honestly as she pulled some books out of her bag. All of the boys groaned and gave her strange looks.

"It's the first day of school! How can you possibly have something to study?" James asked. He sounded a tad bit agitated.

"I don't… I was only going to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything in my classes," she lied. James could see right through her.

"You're such a terrible liar," he joked, and Remus pulled the books and bag out of her hands. "As long as you're with us, you're going to be having _fun_, not doing work."

Lily looked from James to the others, and they all seemed to have the same look on their faces. Ones that say: Just give up and stop worrying. With a sigh, she looked down to her lap for a moment, then back at James. "Okay, but only because it's the beginning of the year."

Sirius let out a "Whoop!" and Remus clapped her on the back roughly, while James only smiled at her and ran a hand through his hair.

"So what are the plans for this year?" James asked suddenly. Lily raised an eyebrow and looked at the others. "I say we try to get Peeves back for all of the times he got us. We'll be heroes to the whole school even after we leave."

"And how do you suppose you do that?" Lily said.

Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus was the first to answer. "We have our ways."

The statement didn't make much sense to Lily, but she dropped it and just shook her head.

"We can use the cloak," Sirius said excitedly. There was a strange flash in his eyes that Lily hadn't seen before in him, but it looked like anticipation. Then something registered in her brain. _A cloak? What cloak? How could they use a cloak to mess with Peeves?_

"A cloak?" she asked randomly.

James nodded. "Our invisibility cloak… Well _mine_ honestly."

"A _what_?" Lily exclaimed. It just made so much sense now. That's how they got around the school at night without teachers catching them. "James, you're Head Boy! You're supposed to be setting things straight, not breaking the rules!"

James rolled his eyes and smirked. "I prefer to say that I'm just the _fun_ head student."

As much as Lily would love to see Peeves get what was coming to him, she would prefer that James didn't get involved in things like this. "I can be fun, Potter," she drawled.

Sirius gave her a skeptical look. "I don't think so. You live for the rules."

Lily sighed and looked down. "I think I could avoid getting into trouble better than you lot."

"Is that a challenge, Evans?" James asked skeptically.

"I suppose it is," she replied simply, moving her gaze up to stare right at the arrogant asshole.

James raised an eyebrow and grinned at her. He seemed to be enjoying the fact that she was willing to break the rules. "We'll have to see about that."

Feeling that she had just gotten herself into trouble, Lily sighed with defeat. "I guess so."

Sirius and Remus both jumped up and gave each other a high five. Lily smiled, but hoped what James made her do wouldn't be too awfully dangerous. "Well we're going to bed then," Sirius said tiredly. Remus just nodded and waved at Lily before following behind Sirius up to the dorms.

"Finally," James said, leaning back into the couch to get comfortable.

"What?" Lily asked, leaning forward. For some reason, everything seemed much more peaceful without the others.

"I thought they'd never leave," he said simply. Lily nodded and smiled happily. She really had nothing against them, accept that they could get a bit annoying. But so could James.

"I thought they were your friends. And it's not like you have anything better to do."

Shrugging, he looked at Lily with a sheepish grin. "Don't I?" he asked sarcastically. Next thing Lily knew, she was being pulled off of the couch and into the center of the common room. James was _dancing_ with her.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked as he spun her, the corner of her lips twisting up in a small smile.

"What do you think?" he said plainly.

"There isn't even any music!" She was pulled closer, and could smell that he was wearing some sort of cologne. It was sweet, but also had a tad bit of resemblance to mint. An oddly good combination. Suddenly he started humming a tune, but it didn't really sound like music at all. She let out a small giggle.

James stopped humming after a few more moments to speak. "So about that cloak." Lily wished he wouldn't have brought it up.

Lily rolled her eyes but didn't complain. "Yes? What about it?"

"Will you use it?" he asked after a moment of silence.

Lily was a bit confused, so she just blinked and said: "For what?"

The smile that appeared on James' face was a bit frightening, and Lily was afraid of what he was going to say. His eyes were shining bright, and twinkling like a little boy on Christmas morning. "Pull a prank with me." There was no question in his voice. He was clearly anticipating this. All Lily could do was nod.

"I'll be right back," he whispered, then descended up the stairs to his dorm.

_What did I get myself into? _she thought hopelessly.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter three: **

Lily felt dizzy with thoughts as she waited for James to come back, and wondered why she even agreed to prank someone. When he finally came back down, she felt almost as though she was going to faint. This was not like her. Why would she do something like this? There's only one possible answer: She fell for James' charms.

"Let's find some bait," he said cheerfully. It occurred to Lily that not many people would be in the hallways.

"_Who_ exactly? No one's going to be in the halls except us and Filch." She crossed her arms and noticed what he was holding. In his left hand was a plain piece of parchment, and in his right was a silky looking cloak.

"Exactly. It's probably going to be either Filch or a ghost. Most of the ghosts are good sports about pranks, but Filch goes completely barmy!" He looked like a small child as he grinned at her, and Lily couldn't stop herself from smiling back.

"So what exactly is that?" she asked, pointing to the piece of parchment. It was a yellowish color and appeared to be folded strangely.

"Oh, right. Here." James handed her the cloak, and pulled out his wand. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he said softly as he touched the wand to the parchment. Lily's eyebrows furrowed, until what looked like a large ink spot appeared in the center.

With wide eyes, she stepped closer. It read: 'The Marauder's Map' on the huge ink spot. Around it was what looked somewhat like the Hogwarts castle. Towards the top were the Marauders' names: Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs.

"So what exactly does this do?" she asked curiously. James smiled and adjusted his glasses before opening it up. Lily's jaw almost dropped when she saw a complete map of the Hogwarts castle. The first thing she spotted was Filch's name underneath two black footprints that were shuffling down a corridor. It answered her question instantly. "Wicked," she murmured. As much as she hated it, this was very cool.

"I know," was all he said. After a moment, Lily's smile faded when she saw two names, and four feet rather close to each other.

Severus Snape and Regulus Black.

They looked at each other at the same moment; James' face showing excitement and mischief, but Lily's showing fright and worry. To her despair, he nodded and kept smiling. "I think we found our targets."

Lily bit her lip, and tried not to argue. If Severus found out that she was any part of this, he would be terribly angry…

But isn't that what she wanted? For him to leave her alone?

This was the reason that she agreed to let Severus and Regulus be their victims. It's not like they were going to hurt them or anything. At least Lily wasn't _planning_ on hurting them.

James took the cloak from Lily's hands and threw it over them. It was such a strange feeling knowing that no one could see them. They climbed through the portrait hole, and the Fat Lady shouted, "Who's there?" But they ignored her and kept walking.

James kept the map tightly in his hand, and occasionally whispered, "Lumos," so that he could make sure they were avoiding Filch and going towards their targets.

When Lily started hearing voices, she became paranoid to even breathe. Soon they were looking right at Severus and Regulus. Even though Regulus was a year younger, he certainly didn't look it. Compared to Severus, he looked very intimidating. James lifted his wand, and looked like he was concentrating hard on something. Lily panicked. She had never done anything like this. What if someone got hurt? Looking around frantically, she spotted a door and grabbed James' hand. She shoved him into the broom closet and hurried in after. James pulled the cloak off and whispered, "Lumos," so that they could see.

"What the hell?" he asked her. His breathing was shallow, almost as if he had been running.

"I-I don't know-" Lily tried to explain, but stopped when she saw the look on James' face. He was grinning. "What?"

He shrugged and stepped closer, making Lily back up into the wall. "You just wanted to be alone, didn't you? That's the only reason you agreed to-"

Lily didn't take much time to think before she slapped him across the face with as much force as possible. "Why the hell would you assume that?" she asked as he rubbed his sore cheek where a red handprint was beginning to appear. Lily felt bad, but also hated what he had been thinking. "Listen, just… Don't do anything. I want to find out what they're talking about."

James raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest. "Why didn't you just stop me from shooting a hex then? You didn't have to pull me into this bloody closet! What if they saw the door open and close?"

He had a point… What if they had seen? "Just shut up and put the cloak on," Lily hissed. Once they were covered again, Lily opened the door slowly and walked out first. Luckily no one was walking by, and the boys were too busy fighting to even notice what was happening behind them.

The two shuffled forward slowly, trying to stay as quiet as possible. Lily found herself holding her breath part of the time. When they were about ten feet away, they stopped and just listened. Regulus was the one talking now.

"I _saw_ you, Severus! You were out in the bloody gardens with that, that mudblood!" He then punched Severus in the nose, and Lily understood what he was talking about.

"So what? How do you even know what we were talking about? Maybe I was telling her to stay away from me!" Severus replied bitterly, trying to hide his pain.

"She looked much more angry than you. If anything, _you_ looked like a scared child!" Regulus spat.

With this, Severus took a few steps closer, causing Regulus to back up. He started mumbling something, So Lily walked closer to hear. All she could make out was: "…Hate her. Why would I try to make amends? She is nothing but a piece of rubbish!" This made Lily's eyes burn with tears, and she tried to hide it from James.

However, the conversation continued with Severus speaking at a more normal tone. "Those Marauder prats that she hangs around with are just as bad as her. The blood-traitors deserve to be killed off as much as the mudbloods in my opinion."

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Lily could feel James shift as if he was trying to hide his anger. Regulus was saying something, but Lily had stopped listening. The tears were now flowing from her eyes, and she had to keep wiping them away. Suddenly right by her ear she heard James whisper: "Are you okay?"

Too bad he's such a loud whisperer. Both Severus and Regulus turned their gaze right towards them, and it seemed as though Severus was looking right into Lily's eyes. For a split second, no one moved. Not wanting to risk talking, Lily only nodded to James her reply. Curiosity took over her, and she wanted to hear what they were saying now. She started to walk forward, and pulled James along with her.

If only she had looked down.

The next thing Lily knew, her face had collided with the cold, hard floor, and a searing pain went through her nose. After a few moments, she opened her eyes and realized that she had fallen.

Lily had tripped over Mrs. Norris.

How stupid could she be? There was clearly a cat walking by her feet! Why didn't she see her?

There was something warm dripping down to her lip, and onto the floor. She lifted a hand to feel her nose, and winced; she was bleeding profusely. Lily had a past of nose bleeds, so it's not shocking to her that something so little has caused one.

_Wonderful_, she thought bitterly. Then she remembered what they had been doing, and sat up quickly. It was too late; the cloak had already come off. Severus and Regulus were standing over them both and staring down with two completely different expressions.

Severus wore one of guilt and confusion.

Regulus wore one of pure fury.

"Well, well. We are in trouble, aren't we?" Someone said from the distance. Lily stood instantly; it was Filch. She glanced to her side and saw James standing as well. In the pit of her stomach, all she could feel was remorse. Why did she have to be the one to ruin it all?

Soon they were all trudging behind Filch and Mrs. Norris to Dumbledore's office. Lily completely forgot about her bloody nose, and only wished that she hadn't agreed to do this.

Occasionally she could feel eyes on her, and knew it was James. He was probably very angry with her; she didn't blame him.

Upon entering Dumbledore's office, Lily felt her stomach churn uncomfortably. How much trouble would they get in?

Despite the utterly depressing and angry vibe coming off of the four students, Dumbledore looked at them with a bright smile.

"Up to trouble again, James?" he asked with a cheerful laugh afterwards. Then his gaze moved to Lily. "You might want to fix that," was all he said to her. She felt her cheeks turn hot, and wiped the blood away with the sleeve of her robe.

Next he turned to Severus. "I'm disappointed in you, Mr. Snape, but I'm sure you'll make up for it somehow." Smiling gently, he turned to Regulus. A bit of a warning appeared in his eyes before he simply looked away. "You two," he pointed his long, pale finger to the two Slytherin boys, "Head of Slytherin House. Now." The two scrambled quickly, and left without another word. Then he pointed to Lily and James. "Head of Gryffindor."

Lily simply nodded and looked at James as she turned to leave. This was all her fault.

To her dismay, Severus and Regulus were waiting outside of the office for them. They tried to walk past, but Severus grabbed Lily's arm painfully tight to make her stop. "Ow!" she squeaked, trying to pry his hand off. "Let go!"

"Listen, Evans," he paused, glancing over his shoulder at Regulus. "Don't ever eavesdrop on me again," he said sharply. Lily looked away from her arm and into his eyes. Despite the angry expression that was covering his face, his dark eyes seemed hollow and full of sadness.

This whole ordeal was utterly confusing, and Lily just blinked at first, her eyebrows furrowed. Once it registered, she yanked her arm from his grasp and ignored the pain that followed. "Don't you _dare_ threaten me, Severus," she said through gritted teeth.

"You really think you can intimidate me?" he asked sarcastically. Lily could feel a bit more blood starting to drip over her mouth, but she was so angry that she didn't even care.

_If he wants to pull the sarcasm card, then two can play at this game._

"I guess not. After all, I'm only a _mudblood_, right? I don't stand a chance, do I?"

He got closer, and Lily could still clearly see the difference in his eyes from the charade he was trying to pull. "If you ever follow me around again, _I'll be sure to tell a professor_." He was careful to quote her words from the night before, and it stung.

A small snicker sounded from Regulus, followed by a strange noise that only pain could cause, but Lily didn't look away from Severus' cold gaze.

"I promise, I won't _ever _be in you're way again."

Suddenly she was pulled out of her trance when Nearly Headless Nick came floating by. He had a very disapproving look on his face. "You all best be leaving. If you do, I'll pretend I saw nothing. But if not, I'll have to state the truth and make sure that you all get punished." With that, he disappeared again into a wall, leaving the four students baffled and angry.

Lily looked past Severus to see Regulus getting up from the ground and glaring angrily at James. His eye was a light purple and a little swollen. "C'mon, Severus."

She then turned her gaze to the black haired boy in front of her, and into the dark eyes one more time before he turned around. In that moment, she caught a glimpse of the little boy that she used to know and love.

As they walked away, Lily felt numb. She looked at James and saw that he was turned towards them as well. This was all her fault.

"James?" she asked cautiously, reaching out and putting a gently hand on his shoulder. He turned around instantly, with a grin on his face. Lily raised an eyebrow and smiled a bit as well. "How can you possibly be smiling?"

James shrugged and adjusted his glasses. It was then that she saw the huge crack in one of his lenses, and the large, painful looking cut on his lip. Taking out her wand she mumbled, "_Oculus reparo_." His smile grew, and they looked at each other for a few silent moments.

Lily found herself dabbing James' lip with her sleeve, right where it was split and bleeding. Her gaze kept moving from his lips, to his eyes. He was still smiling, and so was Lily.

A soft meow in the distance brought her back to reality. She realized what she was doing and yanked her hand away quickly. Soon after, her cheeks began to feel warm.

"Let's just go get this over with," she muttered awkwardly.

They started walking, and found Professor McGonagall's office easily. The door opened suddenly just as James reached out to knock. The angry professor was sitting behind her desk and watching them with furious eyes. She motioned for them to sit in the chairs in front of her desk so they did, reluctantly enough.

"I'm very disappointed in you both," she said sternly. Lily looked to her lap, feeling ashamed. "Especially you, Miss Evans. I'm very used to seeing Mr. Potter's face around here, but you of all people should know better!"

"I know, Professor," she mumbled hopelessly.

"Twenty points will be taken each. I'm giving you both a slight break since it's only the beginning of the year… What a wonderful way to start off a new school year. With negative numbers…" She shook her head disapprovingly, and spoke again, more sternly this time. "I will send you both owls stating the day of your detentions." There was an awkward pause, and Lily shifted uncomfortably. "That will be all. Now both of you, _get to bed_!"

As soon as she was done speaking, Lily sprung up from the chair and turned for the door. James let her go first. Once they were both out, it slammed shut behind them.

"Never again," Lily sad once they started walking.

"Never again, what?" he asked skeptically.

"I'm not going to agree to pulling a prank with you ever again," was all she said. Catching a certain tone in her voice, James knew not to say anything more.

Thankfully the walk to the Gryffindor tower wasn't too awfully long, and they didn't run into anyone. Once in the common room again, Lily felt extremely exhausted. A loud yawn escaped her lips, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"You sound tired," James said, his voice full of humor.

Lily just nodded and smiled apologetically. "I think we should both go to sleep. It's been such an eventful night," she joked tiredly.

James smiled. "It definitely has…" his voice trailed off, and Lily wasn't sure what to do.

"Goodnight then," she said after a few moments.

"Night, Lil." He gave her a lazy half smile, hoping that she would let it slide, and walked up the stairs to his own dorm.

After James was out of site, Lily trudged up the stairs, her eyelids drooping. As soon as she entered the dorm, she fell onto her bed and was sound asleep within seconds. All the memories of that night, including her bloody nose, had vanished. She was lost in a world full of dreams, both good and bad. Even though most of them will have been forgotten by the morning.

And this was exactly the case. Lily woke, squinting her eyes against the bright sunlight coming through the window. There were faint voices across the room, but she didn't try to listen.

It took her at least five minutes to even sit up. It panicked her at first to find that she couldn't really breathe through her nose, then remembered it had been bleeding. Looking down at her pillow, she saw a big spot of dark, dried blood. _How long can a nose keep bleeding?_ she wondered to herself.

Lily stood up from her bed and stretched before pulling out her wand. After muttering a few cleansing spells, she walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. What she saw almost made her both laugh and cringe.

The red hair that fell neatly down past her shoulders the day before, was matted so badly she wondered if it might need cut to look decent again. Her face looked pale and tired, her eyes rimmed with red from crying. There was blood smeared from right under her nose, to the side of her face and chin.

The sound of running water from the faucet relaxed Lily a bit. She cupped her hands and put water in them, splashing it all over her face. With a towel she tried to wipe the sleep and blood from her face. Sadly it didn't seem to work, so she rushed back to the dorm to get clean clothes.

Once back in the bathroom, Lily jumped in the shower and scrubbed her face. The dried up blood turned red and watery as it went down the drain.

After she finished her shower, she tried brushing out her hair. It took about fifteen minutes, but finally it looked decent enough to be seen by others. Her face was no longer covered in blood either. Over all, she didn't look any different than usual.

With a yawn, she grabbed her school bag and walked down to the Great Hall. A few people stopped her to say good morning and hello.

Monica ran up to her as she sat down. "Lily!" she exclaimed happily.

Lily looked up at her and smiled as Monica sat down. "Morning."

"So, everyone is talking about how you and James got in trouble. What were you doing?" Her tone was showing anticipation and mischief.

With a sigh, Lily smiled tiredly. "Nothing that you're thinking."

"Then _what_?" her voice was slightly agitated now.

"Just some prank pulling." Lily shrugged and picked up a piece of toast, eating it quickly. Monica was giving her a strange look saying that she didn't believe her. "Honestly," she paused to think of something more convincing. "James would never go for someone like me anyway, Monica."

This statement didn't seem to get Monica off of her back. "Yes he would, and you know it."

Lily shook her head and looked down the table where all of the Marauders were sitting. James looked as happy as ever, but his split lip was still clearly there(he probably only didn't get rid of it to look tough). Sirius was at his side and talking proudly about something. She couldn't see where Remus was, and assumed that he was across from James and Sirius.

Soon Monica was pulling Lily up from her seat, and dragging her down the Gryffindor table to the three Marauders. "She says that all you did last night was pull a prank."

This brought Lily back to reality and she pulled her wrist out of Monica's grasp. "I'm not lying!" she said angrily.

James nodded to Monica. "It's the truth… Although," he glanced at Lily with a smile, then continued, "she did pull me into a broom closet once."

Luckily, that's all Monica wanted to hear, so she beamed at Lily. What does she get from other people's embarrassment? There's no possible way that Lily Evans could like James Potter more than a friend.

That would be absurd.

But before Lily turned to leave, James sent her a wink that almost made her knees weak. He was definitely trying to help get Monica off of her back. He wouldn't have said anything if Monica wasn't practically asking for it.

Potions was just as uneventful as the day before, and they only made a simple wound healing potion. Lily had no trouble at all, but was still confused when she saw Severus writing things down in his book. He didn't even appear to be doing what they were told to do. The potion that was in the cauldron in front of her almost blew up because she needed to stir it, but she had zoned out on Severus, trying to figure out what he was doing. When she realized what was about to happen, she started stirring quickly so that it would calm down.

After potions she had Charms, and didn't really do much in that class but listen to the Professor talking.

Actually, nothing really happened all day for Lily. At lunch she sat with Monica again, afraid of facing James. Then at dinner, she was called over by Sirius. Luckily, James wasn't there. And neither was Remus. But where could they be?

"Where are James and Remus at?" she asked as she finished eating.

Sirius tensed up a bit, and shrugged but he didn't say anything. This made Lily a bit suspicious, but she didn't say anything more.

After dinner, she left Sirius and decided to get started on an essay they had already been assigned in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It was hard to concentrate because she kept wondering where James and Remus had gone. Had she been paying attention, she would have known that it was near curfew.

_Maybe they're just setting up a prank, she told herself constantly. _

_Trying to clear her thoughts, Lily looked out of the window not too far from her and saw that there was a full moon. Right when she realized this, she could swear that there was a faint howling noise in the distance. The thought of a werewolf gave her the chills, and she looked down to the parchment she had started to write on. No more thoughts on DADA were coming to mind, so she put the quill down and rolled up the parchment. _

_With a sigh, Lily exited the library and heard loud footsteps not far from her. Someone was running in her direction. She looked around and realized that the corridor was practically abandoned. Who could it be? As Lily turned to walk away, she saw James run around the corner. He was huffing and puffing loudly. _

"_James?" she asked as he ran right past her. _

_He turned and stopped instantly. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. "Oh, hey, Lil." _

_Lily raised an eyebrow and walked towards him. "Why are you run-?" _

"_Peeves," he said instantly. This made her a bit suspicious, so she folded her arms across her chest. _

"_Really? Why didn't you just stand up to him like you normally do?" she asked skeptically. It was definitely not like James to run from Peeves. _

"_Remus and I pulled a prank on him. He's bloody pissed," he said plainly, still out of breath. Lily was starting to believe him, but wondered if she should or not. There was a voice telling her not to worry, but then there was another telling her to ask as many questions as possible. _

"_So where's Remus?" _

"_We split up." James' quick responses were starting to make Lily more and more skeptical. She walked closer so that they were less than a foot apart. _

"_Don't lie to me," she said bluntly. Her tone was threatening, and made his eyes widen with surprise._

"_I-I'm not," was all he said. _

_Lily glared at him intensely for a few more moments, and he started to look uncomfortable. "Yes you are."_

_James then whispered, "Don't tell anyone." She nodded and waited for him to say something else, but nothing was said. _

_In the next moment, everything was going so fast that Lily hardly registered that James was pulling her quickly to where they leave for Hogsmeade. They were running quickly and Lily wondered if she'd ever run that fast in her life. _

_The next thing that Lily saw surprised her so much that she almost screamed, but James covered her mouth with his hand. In the distance by what she knew was the Whomping Willow, Lily saw a huge, ugly, howling Werewolf._

"_Be quiet!" he whispered loudly. Lily looked at him, her eyes wide. He pulled his hand from her mouth and looked at her with apologetic eyes. If James was here, then where is Remus? _

"_James, where's-" Her question was blocked out by an incredibly loud howl that sent shivers down Lily's spine. Why had he brought her out here? _

"_What'd you say?" he asked quietly. _

_Lily sighed, then tried again. "Where is Remus?" _

_At the words, James seemed to tense up, and Lily's eyes narrowed. What could be so terrible that he couldn't tell her? _

"_Please tell me," she whispered, putting a hand gently on his shoulder. He looked completely stressed out, and Lily wished that she could do something about it. _

_After a few more moments of silence, and a distant howl, James focused his gaze on Lily's eyes. "Remus is the werewolf," he whispered. _


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter four:**

Lily's eyes fluttered open, and at first she was frightened. It was dark and James was saying her name gently, holding onto her shoulder. She sat up quickly and looked around, taking everything in. It was still nighttime, and they were outside of the castle. Lily felt the cold, smooth grass underneath her clammy hands and saw the bright, twinkling stars in the sky above. The last thing she remembered was James telling her that Remus was a werewolf.

_I must have been dreaming_, she told herself.

"Finally, you're awake." James sounded relieved, and he leaned back in the grass. Lily looked at him, still feeling very confused.

"Wait a minute…" Suddenly she realized that it couldn't have been a dream. She's still outside for Merlin's sake! Hastily, she stood up and looked around frantically. "Remus? Is a… a…" Lily combed her hands through her hair frantically, trying to think. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" she shrieked.

James' eyes widened and he looked completely surprised. "I'm so sorry," he told her earnestly, putting a hand on her shoulder as he stood up.

But comfort and pity was not what Lily wanted. She shrugged his hand away and glowered at him. "You couldn't _trust_ me enough? Is that it?" Her voice was louder than usual, and James motioned for her to lower the volume.

"I _did_ tell you though!" he whispered harshly.

Right… He did tell her… She just didn't want to admit that any of it was true. With a sigh, she closed her eyes for a moment and whispered, "I'm sorry… I guess I'm just tired."

He understood and just grinned at her, adjusting his glasses. "Let me walk you up to the tower."

She nodded and started following him into the castle. A few times she looked over her shoulder to see if Remus was still visible, but he wasn't. Lily still couldn't believe that a calm headed, kind person like Remus could be a _werewolf_. She knew that the others were illegal Animagi, but a lot of Gryffindors in their class knew that already.

Lily only knew because she had been walking to the Gryffindor tower at night the year before when they ran past her and didn't even notice her presence. Curious, she ran after them and kept her distance. To this day she didn't know what they had been saying, but it was something about how they had studied enough and practiced; that it should work. Hiding behind a nearby tree, Lily saw all three of them suddenly transform into different animals. First it was Sirius. He changed into a beautiful, black furred wolf. Or was it just a dog? Lily didn't have time to think before Peter was on the ground as a small rat. It was strange, but she was even more shocked to see that where James had stood before was a large, graceful looking Deer. It was a wonderful sight, and she was tempted to reach out and touch his antlers. Not wanting to get caught being out at night, she rushed back to the castle, promising herself not to mention what she saw to anyone.

Neither of them talked all the way to the tower. It was a very awkward silence, and James cleared his throat a few times as if he wanted to say something. When they climbed through the portrait hole, Lily felt a bit nauseous. Probably some kind of reaction to fainting.

Feeling a sudden wave of dizziness, Lily held onto the wall but made it look like she was only leaning. "So are you going to bed as well?" she asked him once the dizziness and nausea ceased.

James shook his head. "No, I told Remus that I would wait for him outside. I needed to get the cloak anyway… One reason I decided to walk you up here," he said sarcastically with a smirk wide on his lips.

Lily nodded slowly, and grinned. "Well… I'll see you in the morning then." She stood up straight and folded her arms, looking down at her feet.

"Yeah," he said awkwardly, turning to go upstairs. Lily watched as he disappeared for a moment then came back down with the same silky cloak from the night before. He smiled and nodded at her before walking towards the exit.

"Wait!" she said suddenly, not wanting him to go yet. Lily ran the few feet that separated them, and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, embracing him in a tight hug. She could smell his cologne again, and tried to memorize the sweet scent. What had possessed her to hug him like that?

James stumbled backwards a bit, but then wrapped his arms around her waist. "Wow, I didn't think you'd ever miss me this much," he joked casually, resting his chin on her head. Lily had no idea how much he's wanted to have a moment like this with her, but was too afraid to say anything.

It was as if feeling him hug her back brought her into the real world. Lily felt her cheeks turn warm and she pulled away quickly. "Just go," she told him with a slight edge to her voice.

She saw James look at her with confusion and worry before hurrying back out of the common room. Lily could do nothing but walk up to her dorm. One of the girls was snoring loudly, making her laugh.

Sitting on her bed, she noticed that she was not very tired at all. She decided to sit by the window and write in her diary. Lily hadn't written in it since her third year at Hogwarts.

After digging through he trunk for about five minutes, Lily finally found her old diary. She grabbed an ink jar and quill, then walked over by the nearby window. It was always her favorite place to sit and write when the rest of her roommates were sleeping.

Looking at the lock on the small book, Lily sighed and pulled out her wand. "_Alohamora_," she whispered. The lock broke open instantly. Magic has always fascinated Lily. Even the small things like unlocking a door, or making something float into the air.

As she wrote, Lily found that most of what she had to say was about James. She tore out a page and started again on the next, writing in her normal, curly handwriting:

_Dearest diary,_

_I haven't written in here for a few years, and I'm sorry. Tonight is the second night of my seventh year, and a lot has happened since third year. Severus is no longer my friend. __We got into an argument and he called me a __For a lot of reasons… I now talk to the Marauders, and they aren't nearly as rude and arrogant as they used to be (especially James). Although, last night I did get in trouble for sneaking out to pull a prank with James… Luckily only twenty points were taken off each. I'm still waiting for an owl with my detention date and time. __I've decided that James Potter is actually very cute and sweet.__ I'm still concentrating on only school though, no worries. Slughorn seems to really like me this year, and I'm glad. Maybe he'll invite me to his Christmas party. I'll have to take someone though… If he invites me that is. _

_The N.E.W.T.s are probably going to be very difficult, and I hope to get enough studying in before hand. It might be just the beginning of the school year, but I can still worry, right? These are going to determine whether I can get a job as an Auror. I'd really love the opportunity! It seems like a fantastic job… But I'm nervous about getting a career in the magical world. All I've ever really known is the simple muggle world and Hogwarts. Well, that plus Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. _

_Alright, I have to say this… James Potter is… He's… _

Lily looked up from the paper, and out of the window. The full moon was giving her just enough light to be able to see what she was writing.

What _is_ James?

_He's __everything__ that I could ask for in a friend… __Maybe even more.__ I can finally see the real him. He's no longer showing off or trying his hardest to be annoying… _

_Now I'm starting to confuse myself. Must be tired. (Or just completely barmy.)_

_Hopefully I'll write soon. _

_Lily_

As she wrote her name, Lily yawned. Finally she was feeling a bit tired, so she closed the book and set everything on the table next to her bed.

After climbing under the covers, she thought continuously of different things. However, it didn't take long for her to fall asleep. She dreamt peacefully… At first anyway.

_Lily looked up from her book to see that she was now in water, and James was leaning down holding out his hand. She took it and smiled as he pulled her out of the black lake. The book was gone, and Lily hadn't a clue where it went. Apparently they had been swimming; Lily was wearing a red bikini and James was wearing sapphire blue swim trunks. The sun was shining brightly and illuminating everything around. The other Marauders were around and laughing. The only one that was missing was Peter, but no one seemed to mind. _

"_Want a butterbeer?" Sirius asked Lily as she sat on the ground. _

"_I'd love one." _

_As he handed her the butterbeer, she heard something splash in the lake. Lily looked out over the water and saw a few massive tentacles floating over the surface. The squid was always making such noise. _

_Then the scenery changed. Lily was now standing in her house, and it was night time. She had the bikini on still(for some odd reason) and her hair was still dripping with water. There were no lights on in any of the rooms. As she walked around she saw that no one was home. As she started walking up the staircase, Lily saw that the door to her parents' room was opened slightly, and the light was on. There was a sudden bang, and she started running as fast as she could. _

_When Lily got to the room, she saw both of her parents lying on the floor. The first thing she did was feel for a pulse in both of them. It was obvious that they had been killed… but by who? _

_Tears fell from her eyes even though she tried not to let them. There was a terrible sounding laugh from the corner, but the lights turned off so Lily couldn't see who was there. _

_Not being able to see, Lily clutched her wand tightly. The floor creaked, and she could tell that someone was coming towards her. She stood and backed away from her parents' dead bodies, accidentally tripping on her mother's arm, causing her to fall backwards. It hadn't even occurred to her to say Lumos…_

_There was a sudden green light coming towards her. _

_This was the end. _

_They were going to kill her. _

Lily sat up from her bed, her head was pounding and she was gasping for air. What was with all of these nightmares lately? She assumed that it was probably just nerves.

_I must be thinking about the N.E.W.T.s too much, _she told herself.

The sun wasn't up completely, but she decided to get a head start on the day anyway. After putting on a clean uniform, Lily grabbed her things and left the dorm. None of her roommates were awake yet, but she didn't care.

As she entered the Great Hall, she stopped in her tracks. Remus and James were already sitting there and talking. Lily blinked a few times to make sure that she wasn't dreaming this time, and started to walk towards them. If only Monica were awake… She didn't really want to face Remus now because she just found out about his huge secret. Would he hate her for knowing? What if he just thought she was too nosey for her own good?

James couldn't see her coming because he had his back to her, but Remus smiled as he saw her walk towards them. Lily returned the smile, despite the fact that she felt a bit uncomfortable.

"Good morning," Remus said happily as she sat next to James.

"Morning," she mumbled.

"What are you doing here?" James asked curiously. It wasn't like her to wake up so early in the morning. The fact that there was actually food on the tables surprised her further.

Lily shrugged and sighed. "Dream woke me up," she replied hoarsely.

James nodded and put a hand on her shoulder briefly. "I'm glad you could join us," he said happily. To Lily it was just way too early to be excited about anything, so she only nodded.

"By the way, he knows," James said quietly in her ear.

Lily raised an eyebrow, not really understanding what he meant. "What?"

"I know that you found out about why they call me Mooney," Remus replied. Lily felt as though they were making up some kind of riddle, but it didn't take long for her to realize what they meant.

She smiled and nodded. "Okay," was all she said. It might not have showed through her reply, but Lily was extremely relieved that Remus didn't seem to mind that she knew. Of course James wouldn't have told her if Remus didn't want anyone to know, that's for sure; but Lily hadn't thought of that until now.

"Just _try_ to get started, won't you?" Lily asked with hope in her voice. James had been stalling the whole time they were in the library, and wouldn't let Lily finish her assay for Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Throughout the day she had gotten half of the parchment filled(it was very uneventful in her classes that day) by working during class. Of course she had another quill that was magically taking notes for her, but this essay was her main priority at the moment; there weren't any other important assignments right now.

"I don't think I can," he replied sheepishly. A goofy grin was plastered to his face, and Lily could only smile in return.

"Stop stalling me, James," she threatened jokingly.

He raised an eyebrow and his smile grew as he leaned over the table towards Lily. "I don't have to listen to you."

Lily could feel his warm breath on her face as she glowered up at him, a smile threatening to appear on her lips. Trying to seem intimidating, she leaned towards him as well, resting her elbows on the table just as he did. "Really?"

"Really," he said simply.

Suddenly Madam Pince walked by and scolded them for "public displays of affection" as she put it. Lily leaned back in her chair, watching James closely as his cheeks turned bright red. It was very amusing to see him embarrassed. That was definitely something that didn't happen often, and Lily wondered why _she_ didn't blush.

"Nice job, Potter." She tried to sound angry, but it was more of a joke and James could tell. He ran a hand through his untidy hair, and Lily wished so bad that she could see if it was really as soft as it looked.

"You know you love me." His arrogance was showing, but not in a bad way. There was no actual way to completely change him. James Potter _is_ still James Potter after all.

"No, I don't think I do," she said, rolling up the essay that she had been working on. It was clear that he wasn't going to let her finish, and she didn't really want to.

His smile faltered slightly, and Lily wondered if he was being serious or just acting. "Not even a little?" he asked sadly.

"Well," she paused, pretending to think, "Maybe a little."

There was a slight sparkle in his eyes as he spoke. "Good."

"Yes," she said hesitantly. She felt as though he had hypnotized her as she looked into his eyes. _Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all,_ she thought to herself. _He could actually be a _great _guy_.

There was no telling how long they sat there in the torch lit library as they stared at each other. It may have been only a few seconds but Lily had no idea; it felt like hours.

What has gotten into her? A few weeks ago she would be repulsed by this whole idea!

Aside from being extremely confused, she felt like Madam Pince was breathing down their necks. Probably waiting for curfew so that she could kick them out, or complain about another sign of PDA.

"You have beautiful eyes," James said suddenly. It surprised her greatly, and within seconds her cheeks were rosy red. She looked down at the table momentarily, then back up at him. He had flirted with her before, but she didn't feel any connection. There was no way to get past the huge arrogant barrier that he had up in the past. But now she could finally see _him_.

"Thank you," she said quietly. Her voice sounded strained, which only worsened her embarrassment.

"Anytime," he said back, a huge smile on his face. It was then that she noticed it.

In the dimly lit library, looking at his messy hair and charming smile(not to mention the stunning eyes) something clicked. Lily knew that she had some feelings towards James. He could never find out though… Of course not. That would just be another reason for him to taunt her. In truth it was probably only the fact that he was attractive.

Quick footsteps in the distance broke Lily from her trance, and she looked away just in time to see Madam Pince watching them sternly with a raised eyebrow. It was curfew.

Lily was the first to get up, and it took James a while to follow. He walked so slow behind her that Lily felt like she was running. They walked silently out of the library and into the dark, moonlit corridor. Once the door closed behind James, Lily turned to him.

"What?" he asked skeptically, stepping closer to her.

With a shrug, she looked up at him. It was then that she realized how much taller he was than her. How could she suddenly be realizing so many things in just a few simple minutes? "Nothing," she said softly.

She almost didn't know what hit her when James wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it would pop out of her chest and continue down the hallway. "Really?" he whispered. Their faces were only centimeters apart and Lily could feel his warm breath on her face. The sweet smell made her stomach flutter.

In that moment she knew that everything was just wrong; utterly and completely wrong. Lily Evans does not fall for someone like James Potter. No… That just _does not _happen. Aside from that, what right did he have to put his arms around her? She didn't belong to him.

"What are you doing?" she whispered harshly, pushing herself away.

_Why are you leaving? Just have some fun for once!_ a voice told her. (It was probably her heart speaking.) _You like him and there's nothing you can do to change that._

And then there was another voice:

_You did the right thing, Lily! School is all that's important right now. You don't need a guy to cause more drama than needed! _This was the voice she really didn't like at that moment.

"N-Nothing… I thought…" James sounded offended. Almost hurt. Did he actually like her? In the past he had acted interested, but she never thought anything of it.

Hearing him sound so hurt made Lily's heart sink uncomfortably. "Well you thought wrong!" She shook her head at him then started running quickly towards the Gryffindor tower, leaving him alone and utterly confused. All she wanted to do was shut out all of the thoughts running through her mind, and forget that anything even happened.

She stopped running and just walked the rest of the way, ignoring Peeves as he threw chalk at her. It didn't hurt; She felt numb and stupid… So stupid.

A voice was ringing in her ears. _Why_? It was the same question she had been asking herself a lot lately, and no one seemed to have the answer.

Except him.

He _was_ the answer, and the reason she questioned herself constantly.

When she first saw him outside of the Hogwarts express a few days ago: Why was he being so kind?

When he offered the friendship of himself and the Marauders: Why did she accept and not just walk away?

When they were standing alone in a dark corridor and Lily wanted nothing more than to just kiss him: Why did she choose then to run away?

_Why_?

The question was starting to feel like acid on her brain. It just kept repeating itself, over and over again. It was beginning to sink in, and make her feel a bit dizzy at the same time. Realization was finding its way into her mind. But no, she wouldn't even say it to herself… Not yet. What if it wasn't true?

But it must be true… It had to be. Lily had never done anything so stupid before in her life! But no one could know… He'd get over her, right? And then he'd just go back to being a complete asshole.

Lily got into her nightclothes and sat on her bed slowly, feeling confused, angry, and sad.

As she sat there staring at the dark wall in front of her, Lily hoped that James wasn't angry. Of all times, hopefully not now that she realized something so important. She had to tell him… Eventually.

Her brain was racing with two totally different opinions. One was telling her to say something right away, and the other was telling her to keep quiet. Which should she listen to?

Everything was silent, and Lily felt like time had stopped. Her ears were sharper than usual, almost hearing every heartbeat of her roommates sleeping soundly. The sound of the portrait door closing startled her. Could it have been James coming back?

There was really no way of knowing, but it was worth a shot. Lily shot up from her bed, putting on her slippers, and slowly walked to the stairs. She grasped her wand tightly, hoping that she wouldn't need to use it. What if it wasn't him? But what other student would be out this late? She took a deep breath and walked down slowly.

As she got to the bottom of the staircase, Lily saw James sitting on the couch. He was leaning forward and looking into the fire. She wondered if he knew she was there and was just ignoring her presence.

Lily walked slowly, her eyes never leaving James as she got closer to where he sat.

"James?" she asked softly. He seemed startled and jumped a little, turning around.

There was a mixture of shock and confusion in his eyes. Was he mad at her?

"Yes," he said flatly. It didn't sound like a question at all.

Not sure of how to say it, she walked around and sat next to him on the couch. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Lily," he said earnestly, looking up at her for the first time. She noticed that he seemed to be either crying or just extremely worn out.

With a heavy sigh, Lily looked into the crackling fireplace. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that."

"It's nothing new."

This statement actually shocked Lily. Had she hurt him every time she scolded him? No, of course not. He's too arrogant to be hurt by something so simple.

Not having anything to saw, Lily just nodded and swallowed roughly. She couldn't feel James's eyes on her as she looked into the fireplace.

"So why did you come down here then? I thought you were mad?" he said, sounding a bit more normal than a second ago.

"I didn't know who you were… Don't flatter yourself," she said harshly. Here we go again with the arguing.

"See, you're doing it again!" he said louder, sounding agitated.

"Doing what?"

"Getting mad at me even when I don't do anything wrong!" Now, he stood up and looked down at Lily with an angry expression that she had never seen before.

"B-"

"No, listen! You always go around calling me a huge prat, git, asshole, and probably so much more- but why? You've never actually given me a reason, Lily!" he shouted, and she was worried that someone would hear and wake up.

Feeling her cheeks turn warm with embarrassment, Lily stood just as James did, and got in his face as she spoke between clenched teeth. "I have told you- You're rude, full of yourself, and a bully! How do you expect me to be kind to someone like that?" she questioned.

"I've tried to change. But obviously it hasn't worked. Maybe you're too full of yourself to even notice when someone actually cares!"

This statement hit Lily hard. She felt as though someone had just punched her in the chest.

"Whatever, Lily. I'll stop trying if you want me to that bad," he said quietly, shaking his head. There was both a hint of anger and sadness in his voice.

The next thing Lily knew, she was staring at James as he walked up the stairs. Her ears were hot, and she could feel her own heartbeat. She fell onto the couch and stared into the fire once more, not noticing the tears that fell from her eyes. If she thought she felt numb earlier, that had nothing on this.

The look on James's face as he yelled at her was engraved into her mind. There was something in his eyes that Lily just couldn't find a meaning for. Was it sadness? Anger? Or just annoyance? She hadn't a clue.

"I'm sorry…," she whispered. "I'm sorry…"

Lily grunted and kicked at something as she sat up the next morning. Her eyes still filled with sleep, it took her a few moments to realize that she wasn't in her normal bed. A wool blanket was on her, but she had tangled it up around her legs.

Blinking, she saw and heard several students leaving the common room for breakfast. "Bloody hell!" she shouted, finally coming out of her haze. The thing at the end of the couch that she had kicked was Remus. "Why the hell are you here?" she questioned, slowly pulling the blanket off of her. It was wrapped all around her legs. How did that happen?

"I've been here for about twenty minutes," was all he said.

"That doesn't answer my question, Remus."

"James told us what happened last night… So I thought I should come-"

"He _what_?"

"Well you didn't expect him to not tell his best friends, did you?" he joked, a small smirk on his face.

"Fine! I don't give a shit!" She paused, letting out a huge breath that she had been holding for a while. "Who put the blanket here then?" she wondered, trying to calm down.

Remus only shrugged. "Who knows… Maybe it was McGonagal."

"I don't think she'd do anything but kick me out and into my dorm."

"It was only a suggestion," he said calmly.

Lily shook her head and stood, folding the blanket up as neatly as she could. There was a sharp pounding in her head and it wasn't helping her mood. "You can leave now, I'm alive," she muttered.

"No, I'm going to stay with you."

"Don't! Just… Leave me alone!" she said, on the verge of tears. Sadness and remorse bubbled up in her chest and she couldn't do anything but sit down and set the blanket on her lap. "I'm so stupid…"

"No you're not," he said softly.

"Yes…" Lily just shook her head, not able to answer as tears started flowing from her eyes rapidly. Remus, being a good friend, pulled her into a comforting hug and just stayed silent. Footsteps sounded from the stairs, but Lily didn't look up to see who it was. She was too busy crying to even notice the two exchanging words right beside her. The only thing that brought her out of the reverie she had been trapped in was a warm, soft hand touching her own.

Lily held her breath and looked up to see James standing there. The bastard was actually trying to comfort her. She pulled her hand away and wiped her tears, acting as normal as possible. "I have to go," she whispered hoarsely. It didn't take long for her to jump up out of the couch and walk quickly up the stairs to her dorm. Not everyone was gone yet, and they both looked at her as if to help. "Out!" she screamed, pointing to the door. The girls wasted no time in getting out before Lily got too angry.

She lowered herself to the floor, and sat there hugging her knees for a while as she cried. What a baby she was… Crying all because he said something hurtful. A knocking on the door made her more angry than anything. "Go away!" she shouted, wiping the streams of tears from her cheeks.

"No," was all he said. She already knew who it was, just by his voice.

"James, just leave me alone…"

"No," he repeated. "Open the door."

Sighing heavily, Lily waved her wand and the door opened. She didn't turn to look at him, and wished that he would decide to leave after all.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

Lily still didn't say anything, and just wiped at her eyes a bit.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

After a moment of silence she laughed sarcastically. "Is it just me or does it seem like we've gone down this road already?" she wondered, referring to last night when they had been in opposite positions. Lily apologizing, and James wishing not to talk… It all just seemed funny to her.

James chuckled softly, making Lily look to see if he had gone mad. "Why on earth are you laughing?" she asked, wanting to throw a pillow at him.

"Because, Lily… No matter what we end up talking as if nothing happened."

"Not true. This is the first time… And I do believe that I'm crying about it," she retorted.

"No you're not, not anymore. Thanks to me anyway," he said smugly, running a hand through his messy hair.

"Leave, won't you? This is the girl's dorm anyway."

"Will you start sleeping in the Head Dorms with me?" he asked suddenly sitting down beside Lily.

"You _have_ gone mental, haven't you?" she snapped. There was a definite hint of anger in her voice.

"I've been mental my whole life."

Lily scoffed, "Don't I know it."

James grinned and winked at her, causing a small smile to creep onto her face. "I don't like to stay there alone… It's a bit creepy when no one else is there. That's the only reason I've been staying here."

"You're admitting to being scared of something? I never thought that would happen." Lily sniffed and wiped a tear away from her face. This was going to be a very long day indeed.

"Yes actually, I am. Besides, that's where you're supposed to stay anyway."

"I know, but I was trying to avoid you," she answered truthfully.

James' mood seemed to change a bit, and he just stood up. "Alright, well if you decide to join me then I'll be waiting for you tonight. The password is 'Golden'."

Lily nodded and kept her head down, not wanting to see if he was angry at her. Soon the door was closed, and she was once again alone to her thoughts.

A shiver went down her spine, so she decided to get a move on. Class just didn't seem important at the moment, so she didn't care if she was a little late. The growling in her stomach would have to wait because she didn't want to risk a meeting with the Marauders again.

All during her warm shower, Lily kept thinking about James' tone back in her dorm. She couldn't figure out if he sounded sad, irritated, or both. Was she really that stubborn? It seemed that way.

Once she was ready, Lily picked up her bag and headed out to Potions. Luckily it was Friday, so there wouldn't be any more classes for a few days.

She got as far as outside of the Gryffindor commons when the second person she did not want to see again happened to appear.

"Did you two love birds fight again?" he asked, stepping closer to her with crossed arms.

Feeling on the verge of tears once more, Lily just wanted to get to class and forget about everything. "If you'll excuse me, Severus." She tried to walk away, but he grabbed her free hand and pulled her backwards. "Severus!" she shouted, pulling her hand away from his.

"Will you just follow me?" he said quietly.

"Why in bloody hell would I follow you? I thought I wasn't supposed to talk to you ever again?" she snapped, glowering up at him.

"Because I thought it would help you relax."

Lily's eyes widened and she shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"Trust me, will you?" he asked gently.

Tears were burning her eyes once more, and even though she didn't even want to look at him, she decided to follow. It took a while for them to finally stop walking, and when they got there Severus paced up and down the hallway three times. When a door appeared, Lily tried to make a run for it but he took her hand again, but gentler this time. He pulled her into the room, and what Lily saw made fresh tears appear in her eyes.

All around was what looked, smelled, and felt like the forest back at home where Lily and Severus would sit for hours at a time. They would laugh and Lily would listen intently when Severus was saying something about Hogwarts. Lily would tell him hilarious stories about her sister, and Severus laughed every time.

The only difference was a small pond, that almost looked like a puddle. It had several water lilies floating on top. The whole atmosphere felt magical, and Lily had no choice but to smile. "Severus, how…?" she trailed off and spun in circles, trying to find him. She hadn't even noticed that he had let go of her hand. "Severus?" she whispered harshly. "This isn't funny!"

"I'm not trying to be," he said from behind her. Lily spun around quickly. Her eyes were wide with amazement.

"What is this place?" she asked, touching the trunk of a tree. Everything felt so real. There was no way that it wasn't the real thing.

"It's the Room Of Requirement."

"How…," she trailed off and found her way to a spot under the most familiar tree there.

"Magic," he answered simply, bringing a lily over to her. He held it out for her to take, and so she did. All thoughts of hatred and dislike she held towards him seemed to be gone momentarily.

Lily smelled the flower in her hand and smiled. Her eyes were no longer filled with tears, and she only wanted to stay here for as long as possible.

"I knew you'd like it," a voice whispered from right by her ear. Lily jumped and turned to see Severus sitting beside her.

Nodding, she whispered back: "Very much… It's beautiful."

"That's why this place always reminds me of you." He was smiling so happily, as Lily hadn't seen this in a long time it was a bit surprising.

Hearing this statement, Lily snapped back into reality. "Wait… I should be in class, not with you of all people!" she shrieked, jumping onto her feet.

Severus looked frightened, but didn't say anything more.

"Why did I let you bring me here? This is mad!" She ran and started searching for a door. "How the hell do you get out of here?" she asked angrily.

"You have to truly want to," he said simply. Lily turned to see him walking towards her slowly. She had little patience for something like this, however. Getting annoyed, she picked up her bag and started hitting the trees with it.

"I do want to!" she screamed, not looking at him.

"Do you? Do you really want to go back to worrying about N.E. every second? James Potter trying to make you feel guilty about everything?"

Lily shook her head and sat on the ground. "I don't want to… But I have to. School is important. I want to have a good career, Severus. Staying in here won't help with that." She wanted to add that James doesn't try to make her feel guilty about everything, but decided against it.

"It's only a few hours," he said, shrugging. It seemed that Severus and James had a lot more in common than either of them realized. "It'll be like old times."

"It won't be, though… We're not young, and we just don't get along. Face it, a few more minutes in here and we'll be fighting about something stupid."

"Then let's live it up as best as we can right now, shall we?" he said kindly, holding out his hand for her to take. Lily dropped her bag and sighed, taking his hand in hers. Oddly enough, he started running. Lily was confused but followed behind. He took her behind a huge canopy of falling tree limbs, and there was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen.

In front of them was a small waterfall, that was a few inches shorter then Lily herself. It was crystal clear water, and the fish swimming through it was the most beautiful thing ever. It looked as though the fish were swimming underneath glass.

"This is so beautiful!" she exclaimed, a smile spreading across her face.

"I hoped you'd like it. I mean, you've been acting a lot different lately."

Lily just rolled her eyes and walked over to the waterfall, putting her fingers where it was all falling down. It felt like silk gliding over her fingers. Magic was definitely one of the best things the world could offer.

For the next few hours, Lily and Severus wandered around the room of requirement. They laughed, ranted, and Lily even cried some. It was definitely not something that she would ever think to happen. But now, as they're lying under the stars (the ceiling changed as the hours went by to make it seem like they were actually there) Severus brought up something that Lily did not want to talk about.

"Do you like him?" he asked quietly.

"Who?" Lily wondered, trying to make him think that she didn't understand.

"James."

"Why do you care?" her voice was shaky, and in that moment she just didn't want to talk.

"Because I know he's not good for you."

"Not good for me?" Lily asked. Now she was very bewildered. "And you're so much better?" she retorted, sitting up and looking down at Severus as he lie on the cold grass.

"Better then him. He would never do this for you."

Lily just gaped at him for a few moments. "So… This is just a competition for you? If you can impress me then you can brag about it to James?" She stood and glared down at him with fire burning in her eyes. "I'm not some ornament that you can throw around, Severus."

"I know, but-"

"But what? You want me to forget about everything that has happened since I arrived here at Hogwarts? Or before that even? I wouldn't mind forgetting about you from the very beginning. It would save so much pain."

Just then, a wooden door appeared on the other side of the room. Lily grabbed her bag, and gave Severus the most rude look she could muster. "Why did I even stay here?" she whispered to herself.

The look on his face was heart wrenching, but Lily couldn't care less. She felt as though this year was going to be a never ending rollercoaster of regrets and confusion. For some reason she knew that she would be doing stupid things for the rest of her life… And this was definitely one of the most stupid.

"Lily…," she heard him say as she opened the door.

She scoffed and shook her head. "I'm done with all of you," was all she said before throwing the lily into a nearby puddle and exiting the room completely.

Students were walking through the halls, all chattering and having wonderful days while Lily was silently deteriorating away inside. How many stupid mistakes has she made since she got to Hogwarts this year? Too many to count.

"LILY!" a familiar voice shouted from down the hall. "Wait! Wait for me! I want to talk to you!" Monica shouted to Lily as she started walking down a flight of stairs. Soon enough, Monica was right at Lily's side. "Merlin's beard, Lily! You look terrible!"

"Thanks," she muttered under her breath.

"Well it doesn't matter. Guess what?" she shrieked annoyingly. Lily didn't even get a chance to answer because she continued. "Sirius Black asked me out!" A non human noise escaped Monica's lips, and Lily gave her a weird look.

"Congrats," she said softly. It wouldn't have mattered whether she said anything or not. Monica didn't seem to be hearing anything but her own squeals. Lily found it a bit weird that Sirius would ask out her best friend. But, there was no way to keep it from happening.

"Look! There he is!" she squealed again and ran from Lily's side over to where Sirius was grinning. He put an arm around her waist just as she got to him, but instead of looking at her, he looked back at Lily with concerned eyes. Lily just shook her head and stood there for a few moments as they started to walk to the Great Hall.

It had been forever since she had a nice conversation with one of her friends… This seemed like a great opportunity to try and get her mind off of things. _Certain_ things. Or people, rather. Lily put on a smile and nodded to a few familiar people as she walked swiftly to the Great Hall. She had no intention of eating- only talking.

Spotting a few of her Ravenclaw friends at their table, Lily walked over and kneeled down at the head of the table.

"Ello there, Lily," one of her good friends Sage said. He always seemed to be in a good mood, no matter what. She's always liked that about him since she seemed to stress about things often. He was definitely the person that calmed her down most of the time. His hair was very short, and a sandy brown. He had happy, light brown eyes that reminded Lily of chocolate… Or the trunk of a tree.

"Lily! S'been a long time, eh?" Rachelle (another one of her good friends) said happily, and Lily just nodded to them. Her hair was quite curly, and a very bright blonde. Her eyes were sapphire blue, and always looked stunning.

A grin appeared on her face, despite the fact that she was ready to hex someone to an oblivion. "I know… I'm sorry I haven't gotten to talk to you all much." Her eyes flickered to the Gryffindor table, to where Sirius and Monica were sitting. The sight almost made her laugh.

"Ah, the Marauders been on yeh'?" yet another girl spoke. Her name was Tamilia, though most people called her Tammi since she absolutely hated the name. This girl had long, straight, orange-brown colored hair. Her eyes would change from time to time, but were usually a green-blue color. Lily's always liked her, but was never as close to her as the others.

"Well-" Lily started.

"I bet! Is James still begging for you?" Rachelle joked, elbowing her arm which rested on the table.

Great… This was the conversation she had wished to completely avoid, not start up! "Err, well…"

"Why do we always have to talk about those prats?" Sage asked earnestly. This made Lily smile as she realized how thankful she was to have him as a friend.

After mouthing a thank you to him, Lily cleared her throat. "I say we go out to the Herbology greenhouses…" She still sounded a bit tense, but being with her friends would make things a whole lot better.

Once they all left the Great Hall, Lily walked behind her three friends all the way to the greenhouses. It was warm and peaceful. For a moment she almost wished she had come alone, but that changed soon enough.

"So what exactly are we gonna to do out here?" Tammi asked, petting a plant that began purring and rubbing up against her hand.

All eyes turned on Lily, and she simply shrugged. "I hadn't thought this through… Honestly I didn't think you all would come with me." She grinned and looked around. Only the last few rays of sunlight were shining into the greenhouse, and it made everything look rather beautiful.

"Of course we would. We're your best friends for Merlin's sake!" Rachelle exclaimed, giggling lightly. Lily also laughed at her comment, and nodded. She knew that was true. Although lately she hadn't been acting like a true friend to them. The last few days someone would think that she only had the marauders as friends.

"We are, are your best friends, right?" Sage added quietly, and Lily looked at him with sad eyes.

"Of course you are… I've just had a lot on my mind lately, you know?"

"Eh, you've been shagging James 'aven't yeh'?" Tammi cut in, snickering slightly. They were all scattered around the green house, and had to talk louder then normal to hold a conversation.

"No!" Lily instantly felt her cheeks turn warm, and she knew that Tammi had succeeded in embarrassing her. "I'd never do such a thing."

"I wouldn't say that… I bet if you had a few shots of fire whiskey-"

"Blimey, Tammi! Don't you ever quit?" Lily shouted, her cheeks now burning fiercely. Sage and Rachelle seemed to be having a little laugh out of this, because Lily could hear them snickering quietly. Rachelle was trying to hold it in but Sage was just letting his amusement show. "Shut it, you lot!" she snapped at them.

"Calm down, Lily! We're only joking," Sage said defensively, stepping closer. He seemed both confused and sympathetic.

"Yes but you _always_ do this!" she shrieked, not sure why she was so annoyed and defensive about their jokes. Normally she would just disagree to their accusations, but for some reason she kept getting annoyed. "Can't we talk about something else?"

"Maybe she really does like him," Tammi muttered. Lily glared daggers at her, and she could feel warm tears bubbling in her eyes.

"I don't like that bloody asshole! He's such an annoying, arrogant prat! Why can't you just let it go?"

"Let _what_ go?" Rachelle asked, stepping next to Sage.

"Don't interrogate me like this…"

"Why can't you just tell us how you really feel?" Tammi said suddenly, stepping in between Sage and Rachelle. Lily felt like they were gaining up on her, and she couldn't figure out why she was getting so annoyed with all of their questions. Her heart was beating rapidly, and a strange feeling was bubbling in her stomach. What was going on with her?

"I never get a moment with just my friends anymore," she told them, her eyes showing confusion and remorse. Why did everything have to be about the Marauders anymore? Not one moment of any day could she think one peaceful thought that didn't have to do with them. Or at least James…

"We're having a moment right now! You used to love making fun of him, but now all you're doing is getting defensive… What's going on?" Sage asked.

"I have to go," she replied, pushing past them and starting to leave the greenhouses. She was so angry that tears began falling from her eyes, but of course someone would probably wonder why she's sad. She was everything _but sad. _

"_Lily!" she could hear Sage yell from behind her. _

"_I'm going to get a drink," she told him, sounding more angry than she wanted to sound. _

"_Can we come?" _

_She turned, glowering at him. But seeing his expression instantly broke through to her. Being mad at her friends just didn't last. "Yes, of course." The smile that appeared on Sage's face was priceless. _

_Soon all four of them were sneaking out of the castle and walking down to the Three Broomsticks. They all knew the bartender pretty well, so he would always let them come in for a while. They all ordered a butterbeer, and Lily decided to go to the bathroom to make sure she didn't look upset. _

_Running cold water on her face, Lily wondered what she was even doing here… Drinking instead of studying. What had she turned into? _

_With a sigh she returned to the bar, and saw all three of them drinking their butterbeers quietly. That was really unlike them… _

_Lily sat on the chair beside Rachelle, and took a sip of her drink. A sudden feeling of awareness came over her. A feeling that she wasn't sure was supposed to happen when someone drank butterbeer. "Is there something different in this?" she asked the bartender, who just shook his head. A strange noise came from Tammi, who looked like she was about to explode with laughter. _

"_What?" Lily asked, suddenly very suspicious. _

"_Do you hate James?" Sage blurted out. Lily was caught off guard, but without hesitation said: _

"_No, of course not. He's very nice and sweet." Almost instantly she covered her mouth, and her eyes widened. "What did you put in my drink?" she shouted angrily. All three of them had the same look on their face, and it was making Lily quite angry. _

"_Do you love James?" Tammi said excitedly.. _

_Trying hard not to answer, Lily bit her tongue. Even she herself was afraid of the answer that might come out of her mouth. It was obvious that she had been given Veritaserum. A few words came out of her mouth, but they were muffled by her hand that instantly shot up to keep them from hearing. _

"_Are you mad at us?" Rachelle asked, raising an eyebrow. _

"_No! I can never be mad at you lot… Even if I think I am, I'm not." _

"_Am I attractive?" Sage asked, running a hand through his hair. All of them laughed, and Lily nodded. _

"_Yes, Sage. You're very attractive. And I also think you should date-" Lily covered her mouth just in time to cover up the name. They could never know what she thought of Sage and Rachelle. She's thought it for years, but they shouldn't be told to date just because Lily thought it was a good match. They probably don't like each other anyway. _

"_Who? Who should I date, Lily?" Sage asked, leaning towards her. _

"_Rachelle…" _

"_WHAT?" the others all shouted in harmony. Rachelle's cheeks turned bright pink, and Sage's eyes were as huge as his face. Lily only shrugged, knowing how she felt. _

"_I should probably leave before you all ask me more stupid questions." Lily took another large gulp of her butterbeer, and felt a new and more powerful sensation of awareness. "I'll see you all tomorrow sometime." She left her money on the bar top and wandered out, feeling strange. Hopefully no one would ask her a question until this wore off. _

_Next thing she knew, she was walking to the Head Dorms. Why? She had no clue. It just seemed like the best place to go, and since it was after dinner James probably wasn't there. He liked to go outside after dinner… How did she know that? When she got to the large wooden door, Lily touched the knob and said "Golden," just as James had told her. The door unlocked with ease (maybe too much ease) and opened so fast that it almost pulled her off of her feet. Although it didn't open all the way. Lily pushed it fully open and peered into a dark, candle lit room. James was right, it was a bit eerie in there… It also seemed very romantic. But why? Was he planning on having someone over? Ugh, she didn't want to even think about it. Lily sighed, and shook her head, closing the door behind her. _

"_Hello, Lily," a familiar voice said from the other side of the room. _


End file.
